Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. I haven't been too good with the whole posting thing lately. Shrug. Happens. Anyway.

You know, I think it's positively amazing that, considering I've completely lost my mind, they still allow me to walk around without any snazzy accessories such as restraints or a nice comfy straightjacket. And I have lost my mind.

For a while now depression has been this nasty little fucker slowly eating away at my insides (and I have a sneaking suspicion it's main hub is located just behind my eyes, if the migraines are any indication) but lately I feel as if we're finally becoming accustomed to each other (which is no doubt due to the fact that, as I stated earlier, I've lost my mind) and I'm not sure if that's a good thing but it's something.

My Cameron is further exacerbating the problem on a couple levels but there's this one that's frustrating and stressful and tiring and I really (really) need to get a handle on it but damned if I can figure out how. And I'll admit, I'm not handling the situation or my baby at all well. Sigh.

At the moment, I'm feeling like a complete failure in just about every aspect of life--from motherhood to my love life to my home life to my work life--all across the board. It's an unpleasant feeling, that, but I'm dealing. I guess.

I've always been a handy sounding board for those around me and that's a fine thing, I'm happy that I can help or comfort or whatever the people I care for but, on the other hand, that particular favor is rarely returned and it's beginning to get a bit crowded in my head just now. And it's partially my fault because I haven't been the most forthcoming with anyone but, in my defense, the few times I did try recently it didn't work out all that well. I'm spilling a tiny bit right now but not nearly all and I'll more than likely continue to keep it to a minimum.

I finally dragged myself out of the doldrums long enough to watch American Idol last night and came to the conclusion that I haven't been missing much. I was sad to see that what's his name, ah, Nick (I think) didn't make it to the Top 12, I liked him and he looked a lot like someone I just can't quite figure out who.

The weekend was blah. My mom and I did more strategizing over the business she's dead set on us starting together and finally came up with a list of supplies we need to order to get things moving. And I really need to get my head out of my ass and find a good web host else the ordering part will be for naught. Drew and I were supposed to go out Saturday night but he ordered a pizza and we laid around watching TV instead. He (Drew) had to work Sunday and he didn't get to spend any time with Cameron so we (Cameron and I) hung out and watched Batman & Robin together. Arnold however the hell you spell his last name was incredibly annoying as Mr. Freeze but I like what's his name (Chris O'Donnell?) as Robin. Oh, and I also called my friendly neighborhood police department Sunday afternoon because one of those ignorant children in my complex shot Cameron in the back with a BB gun. I've come to the conclusion that I don't much like children save mine and a few others.

This week so far has just been tiring. I didn't get home until 8:00 o'clock Monday night and last night, it was coming up on 7:00 when I walked through the door, which isn't too bad, I guess, but I had a pounding headache so I canceled the plans I had with Drew (we were supposed to spend time together last night because we missed Sunday night--he always spends Saturday and Sunday with me and Cameron) and rescheduled for tonight, which, though he insisted it didn’t, pissed Drew off. It was a no win for me. And today’s just starting so hope springs eternal.

And that’s really all I’ve got just now. I hope everyone else is doing just dandy.