The Twisted Minds of Aimee and Angie

We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit. - EE Cummings

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Life or something like it.

Isn't it funny how drastically things change over time? Things that were once important become nonexistent and things that were of little importance suddenly seem to take presedence over all.

Life is such a trippy thing. And more times than not, a sucky thing.

That's where I'm at right now, drowning in a river of suck. When I'm back to feeling a few steps up from hell perhaps I'll tell you all about it. In the meantime, could someone toss me a life preserver.

Monday, April 26, 2010

No Longer Mine by Shiloh Walker

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Saturday, January 02, 2010

A Whole New World.

Or year, whatever, though, considering all the changes currently happening in my life, a whole new world is certainly more apt. I could also dub this post, ‘Progesterone: Day One’ but that title’s not nearly as fun (FYI: It‘s now actually ‘Progesterone: Day Two‘ but, whatever).
So, what’s up, peeps? I wish I could say not much here but, alas, I can not. In fact, there’s so much going on I fear my sanity’s in danger of flipping over to the dark side (seriously, when I start spouting nonsense like ‘Luke, I am your father’, drive me to the nearest loony bin and toss me in).
Scariest thing, I seem to have lost my wit. Shudder. Just kidding, just kidding, although, it has been harder to come by these days. But, seriously, things are in such a flux for me right now, it’s hard to think straight so being witty, not so easy for me right now
Where to begin? Where to begin?
Perhaps I should start with the cyst-y, fibroid-y, anovulatory cycle having, premenopausal-ish, progesterone taking, infertile side. That’s a mouthful, huh? I could sit here and make flippant comments about how I used to be a woman but now I‘m not so sure but since, sadly, this is one of the things going on right now that bothers me much more than it probably should, I won‘t. I’m 34 years old, not young by any stretch of the imagination, but old enough to be going through (pre)menopause? To have to deal with the nightmare that are anovulatory cycles (mine, for some reason, are positively hideous) and the endometrial hyperplasia that could result from them? Or to deal with the fear of uterine cancer (among others) the endometrial hyperplasia could cause? To have to take progesterone for 7 days every month to regulate my “period” when I’m not ovulating anyway so what’s the fucking point? To have that devastating word ’infertile’ tagged to me like an albatross? No. No, dammit, I’m not. Not old enough and lately, I’m beginning to think not strong enough either. It’s kinda funny but out of all of it, it’s the ’infertile’ part that bothers me the most. Drew didn’t want any more children, as far as he was concerned Cameron was it and I resigned myself to that fact long ago but making the decision not to have any more children and being told that physically, you can’t are two entirely different things and I’m just not handling it well.
And then there’s my job. Sigh. I’ve had the same job (though it’s grown into more than it was when I started) for 13 years and I love that damn job and more than that, I love the people I work with, they’re more than co-workers, they’re family and I can‘t imagine not going there everyday, not seeing them everyday, I just can‘t. Since we said our goodbyes last Wednesday, I’ve had this ache I just can’t ease, it’s hard to explain but in a lot of ways, it feels like someone died and took a huge part of me with them. This more than the financial and insurance related repercussions is what weighs on me most right now, though, I do realize those things are very much going to bite me in the ass sooner rather than later.
Financially, we’re big fat mess right now. Drew is working, not steady but for now, he is working. When that ends, well, I don’t really know what we’re going to do then. As much as I don’t want to, I’m going to file for unemployment next week and try to get by with that while I look for another job and try to figure out what to do about the health insurance nightmare I’m about to embark upon. It’s like one big cluster-fuck right now as far as money is concerned. There’s still all the regular bills plus my medical expenses to worry about but somehow we have to try and start putting money aside in case we have to move. See, the building we live in was foreclosed upon a few months ago and now the bank owns it, since then, practically every family that lived here has moved out. Out of the eight townhouses here, only three of them are still occupied and I just don’t like how it’s all playing out especially considering all the people who’ve moved over the last three months had lived here for a good amount of time prior to the bank taking over. It’s a worry.
The health insurance issue is a sticky one and I’m just not sure how or what I’m going to do about it. Right now, I’m covered until January 31st but after that, nothing. And being that I have a medical condition that unfortunately falls under that nasty “Preexisting Condition” clause (that should’ve been abolished years ago) it makes getting health insurance a bit stickier than normal. I’ve applied for Medicaid and been denied but I will apply again (and again if I have to) but if I do eventually get approved then I have to deal with finding a new immunologist because my current doctor (and the one I’ve had since 1998 who diagnosed my condition) does not take any form of government insurance. I could get a job and try to get on their group policy but the problem with that is, most company’s have a six month waiting period before health benefits are offered and then that nasty clause will most likely come into play and the benefits would be useless. It’s a mess and one my overtaxed mind is struggling to work around.
Sigh. It’s all messy right now. Everything. It seems hopeless to me but I’m trying not to think that way. It’s hard.
On the positive side of things, Cameron has baseball try-outs this week and he’s very excited about that. And all my babies (Handsome Jack, Harley, Mushu, Remy, Drago, Phoenix, Jasmine, Rock, Terra, Rex, Bugsy and Tabby) are all doing fairly well. Remy is still having issues with yellow fungus as is Harley and Terra and Rex still don’t eat on their own but we’re working on fixing those issues. Jasmine, our newest baby, was a skinny minny when she came to us but she’s fattening up nicely and that makes me happy. Despite all the problems in my life, these animals give me so much joy and I love them unbelievably, they’re like the children I now know for sure I’ll never have.
And well, that’s really it, I suppose. There’s probably something I’m missing but since I can’t think of it, I’ll take it as one less thing to worry about.
Happy New Year all. I hope 2010 is a splendid year for everyone.

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Wednesday, August 05, 2009



It was yesterday, btw, and it was, all in all, a really good day.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009


Awww, isn't my Phoenix such a sweetie-pie? Snuggling with my feet! Sweet girl!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

A Whole Lotta Love!

This blog gets no love, peeps! No love at all! And why the hell not, you ask (you didn't, of course, but let's just pretend that you did, okay? Okay.)? Well, I'll tell you--it's laziness! Pure, simple and completely unabashed laziness! I'm one lazy individual and I shan't be denying it. Plus, there's never really anything all that exciting going on, you know?

Let's see, let's see...

There's baseball, of course, but that's almost at an end (at least for this season). Hmm, last time we spoke (figuratively) our young spritely fellows (aka the Mudcats) were at 4 W 4 L and ironically, they're in somewhat the same position now with 10 W 10 L 1 T. Tonight is their last game of the regular season before playoffs and if the gods are smiling, we'll triumph and end the season winning more than we've lost. Wishes of luck are greatly appreciated. After playoffs, we're baseball free (much to Cameron's dismay) until late August when we begin practice for Winter Ball.

What else? Oh yes, Mother's Day. It was good. We were flat-ass broke and couldn't afford to do anything but that's okay, it was good. My Cameron bought me a sunflower from school and made me a cake. Lovely. The day itself was spent BBQ'ing and swimming (which I, sadly, could not) at Christie's.

There's school life for Cameron to contend with as well. And honestly, it's been awful. Cameron, my sweet child, tends to be lazy, this I know, but he's not done too shabby (3 B's and 2 C's on his last report card) or so I thought. Apparently his teacher strongly disagrees with me--he's not a straight A student and best I can tell, that somehow offends her sensibilities. In our 3 face to face and 1 phone conference I've explained countless times that Cameron struggles with his ADHD and dyslexia (writing (especially neatly) is particularly hard for him) but she just doesn't listen or care or agree (I'm not sure which perhaps all 3). Though he's been tested (trust me, I know, I paid for it because the insurance would not) she very strongly disagrees with the psychologists diagnosis of ADHD and chalks up all of Cameron's struggles with his work/behavior to carelessness and laziness. But, ironically, when she's telling you what those struggles are, it's classic symptoms of ADHD she's describing so I don't get it, you know? This last month has been particularly hard (she's been shuffling him to different classes instead of letting him stay in his own) and I've asked Cameron if he'd like me to go in and talk with her but since we're so close to the end of the year, he's asked me to please not interfere. That, my friends, is a very hard thing for me to do.

Other than regular day to day stuff, there's not much else going on.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Suck, sucks, sucks!

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