Sigh.

Ever since I was diagnosed with CVID, health insurance has been (and will always be) my living nightmare. I hate it. Not only does it basically dictate where I work as well as where I live, it's also a huge source of stress for me because when those assholes with whatever insurance company I happen to be with start playing the "stalling" game, they're basically playing russian roulette with my life. And it's not at all comfortable. But what am I going to do? I have no choice. I need it. I can't live without it. So I guess I better suck it up.

And that's all for today. I just needed to bitch.

Edited: I just got a lovely e-mail from a friend, who is concerned about me (thank you, my friend), and in answering him I realized that I haven't clearly explained what's been going on around here and why I'm so down at the moment. So I'll try.

I haven't had an infusion since November 14th, 56 days ago, and I'm supposed to have an infusion every 21 days. I should have had one on December 5th, and another one on December 26th. I had neither. My next infusion should be scheduled for January 16th, but since my insurance company is still stalling with the authorization (they come up with a different excuse every day), who knows if that one will happen? So I've missed 2 infusions (working on 3), and because of that my white count is through the roof. That, my friends, is not a good thing. What it means is that my body is trying to compensate by pooling T cells, and in doing so it's working too hard to try and protect itself from infection that in the end it won't be able to fight. The reality is that if I don't have an infusion soon, its going to get pretty bad for me.

I'm really weak, I'm really tired, I've been running a low grade fever since last night. To sum it up, I just don't feel right.

But no worries, I'll be alright cause I'm a fighter, dammit, and if it gets bad, well, I'll just keep fighting, it's what I do.

Note: I recieved an e-mail from someone named Lori (thank you for the thoughtful, and caring e-mail, Lori), who bounced in here from Jeff's blog, and she suggested that I post this link for anyone who would like a better understanding of exactly what it is I have. I think I've posted this link once before, but I'll post it again for those interested.