Angie's Entry - Emotions are strange things

I have to address Aimee's entry first, so bear with me.

Part of growing up, into a man or a woman, is those child like dreams, hopes and attitudes don't so much apply the older you get. Things in your life change, people that cross you path change your view on the world and the people around you. I'm not sure what Christie said to you but as your sister I'm sure she is being honest without being hurtful on purpose.

It's when someone close to us forces us to look into the mirror that the truth can hurt the most.

I think what hurts me the most sometimes when people point out inconsistencies in my life, like they see this gaping hole or this cloud over me and I think everything is fine. I'm happy with my life but everyone sees me as sad, upset or depressed and are worried about me.

I'm probably not making much sense, but.

Rod asked, kind of, about all the awful things my ex had said to me while we were together. He's probably wondering why I stayed so long in that relationship, why I put up with that behavior for so long and found it okay to cope with.

Honestly. I don't know. I should have left after the first time I found out he cheated on me. But like the kid (I was 20) I was, I believed him when he told me it was a mistake and it would never happen again. As for the things he said to me. I wish I had an answer for why. He's never been man enough to tell me why he said the things he did. And most of all, he's never apologized.

Not once.

Ever.

To this day.

When I get some time, I'll post a picture of me, yuk. But I feel I should.

I think his shining moment was (and this gets really personal for me. There aren't many people in this world that know this about me, my mother has no idea. No one in my family does. It's not something I generally put out there because people feel so strongly, but it's a part of me. So please be gentle.) about a year before we broke up for good. I will remember this moment like a snapshot in my mind for the rest of my life. We were getting ready to go up to his parents house for the day. I was in the kitchen getting some stuff together and I for the life of me can not remember how we even got on the subject or what prompted him to say this to me, but it's inconsequential at this point. He walked into the kitchen, stood 10 feet from me, looked me dead in the eyes and without so much as flinching told me, "I'd never have kids with you." "Why?" "Cause we'd have ugly kids."

Fortunately for me he didn't know I was pregnant at the time. About 6 weeks. And he already had two kids of his own with someone else at that time.

I think I've gotten over most of the other things he's said to me, but that one still stings like a motherf*cker.

So onto happier things!

Aaron texted me last night around 10:45. I had been in bed for like and hour when my damn phone starts buzzing and ringing. When I went to bed, I figured he wasn't going to call. Katie and I walked yesterday and she assured me that I had done good, with letting him know I was interested in him, but not pushing. Even Teresa let up on the teasing when I instant messaged her yesterday to say hi and we talked about it a little more. See Teresa is convinced that Aaron isn't good enough for me.

It must have been slower than hell at the bar for him to spend close to 2 hours messaging me back and forth. We flirted, like we always do and he asked when he could see me again. We went back and forth, I told him it was up to him, he said it was up to me. So Friday it is. Then the brat says 'what are you still doing up?'
'A certain someone woke me up and if he'd let me go, I could finish the dirty dream I was having about him.' Now picture this, I'm laying in bed, my contacts are dry and I'm laughing out loud.

The dog jumps up everytime my phone buzzes cause all she wants to do is sleep.

Then he comes back with 'why dream'
Doesn't that just make ya wonder? It makes me wonder!

He promised me a backrub at the bar on Tuesday night and you know what they say about backrubs. So Friday should be interesting. I am going to ask him about this bartender chick tho. I'm curious what the real deal is with that. Or should I not ask and let his actions speak??

Thought for the day: The best things in life are worth waiting for.

Profound huh? NOT!