Angie's Entry - The Downward Spiral

I had every confidence that Aimee would keep you entertained in my absence, and I was correct. She's the best.

Chicks that drive pickup trucks are cool. Just thought I'd tell you that. I love driving my friend Jason's truck. It fits me well. My prix does too, so I think I need one of each. Not too much to ask now is it?

My mom is all moved into her new place with her new furniture. I'm so happy for her to have things that make her happy. To be living how she wants to live. Better late than never? I suspose so.

I spent Thursday moving her and Friday I helped her unpack.

Saturday I went up north to see my ex's mom. It was a little uncomfortable for me at first, but she and I were the only ones at the house for a good couple hours, so that helped. She was disappointed I didn't bring my dog with. I told her next time I go up I will. My ex showed up with his gf and the kids. That was a little weird. But it was alright. I was relieved Mama didn't give asshole the clock back while I was sitting there. But he's going back up in a few days and I'm sure she'll give it to him then. But snaps for not doing it in front of me. Salt in the wound and all.

Sunday I didn't do a damn thing. I brought the paper in but haven't read it yet.

And now for my incessant rambling: I'm unhappy with my whole life right now. It seems to be a disturbing pattern in my life. One thing starts this chain reaction and everything else goes to shit.

~ So far the car has been ok, but apparently that's a bomb waiting to go off. So the new decision is whether or not to keep it and run it as long as I can. It'll be paid off in September. Or trade it it now while it still runs and I can get a fairly good trade in value on it. Car payment plus insurance or no car payment and run the risk of no car. Hello rock, meet hard place.

~ I need to refinance my house cause my payments are drownding me.

~ My summer trip to Detroit to stalk the love of my life is looking less and less that it's going to happen. Considering we haven't bought our tickets and if get the $250 VIP, I would assume it will have to be soon before they sell those out too.

~ I have to push going back to school until January because I can't afford to make my student loan payments.

~ I need to find a new full time job before I get fired from this one. Had the "talk" with my boss and our HR guy about, well we're at the fork in the road, do you want to stay here and make payroll your lifelong career or are you going to find something else? A few people have made comments about your attitude. Well one, it's not like I can leave part of myself at home. I'm frustrated with just about everything right now so excuse me if I'm not sunshine and flowers. Second, I have a thanksless job. When people come to me, it's because something is wrong, they made a mistake and they want it fixed right fuckin now. Sorry, I don't have that capability anymore. It's not like people stop in and tell me what a good job I'm doing. No, they stop by to complain about one thing or another. Thirdly, ever heard that expression, actions speak louder than words? Well when you keep handing me busy work, I'm not an idiot. I know it's because you don't think I can handle anything difficult. So thanks for that. It's not like I haven't proven myself over and over again either. I told you numerous times that I'm not good at this job, that I don't want to do it anymore and only now when the big boss man has a problem do you finally decide to listen to what I've been trying to tell you for three fuckin years.
I do take responsibility however. I should have not let you talk me out of staying, I should have left when I told you I was going to. I accept that. That was my choice. And I have to live with that, but it's quite unfair that your using that against me now. Super secretly forcing me to go.

My mom thinks I need to go back into counseling, possibly back on meds just to regulate the moods I have. A few years (more like 8 or 9 now) back I almost flunked out of college because of a serious battle with depression. Ever read "Prozac Nation" by Elizabeth Wurtzel? That was the book that made me ok with being on medication. There are parts of that book that I swear to god she plucked right out of my life. Only she is a much better communicator of those thoughts and emotions than I am. It's an amazing story, her story about her struggle with depression.

I called Aaron on Wednesday like I said I would. We talked for about a half hour or so. He knows a guy that works at a shop, he can get me the part at cost and he'd do the labor for nothing. Well, a bottle of Jim Beam or Jaggermeister. He was gonna call his buddy for the info on the part and call me back. He didn't. That's Aaron.

Got to see Brother. He's doin good. He presented his paper last Wednesday. He's got like four job offers for this summer. Lucky brat. But he's worked hard and he's the best guy I've known. My mom and I raised him right. LOL

So are there any good things going on in my life? No. And I'll spare you the incredibly boring details as much as I can. In fact I would suggest skipping my entries and only reading Aimee's. Hers are much more interesting, funny and all around easier to read. Seriously.

Hasta