Angie's Entry for Friday even though it's Saturday

It's a sad day here in Angie-land.

Today was my last day at my full time job. And even though I have a great new job, or so I'm hoping, with a starting pay of what my now former employer should have been paying me, I find that even as I type this, my heart is heavy, my eyes clouded with tears and I'm feeling loss.

Saying goodbye to my good friend, confidant and co-worker, PC, was harder than I thought it was going to be. And while I intend to keep in touch with him and a few others, it was still a very hard goodbye for me.

You don't fully realize how much your co-workers mean to you until reality sets in when you're walking out the door for the last time that you're not going to see them everyday. That you're not going to be able to shoot off an email and listen for the laughter, knowing that they just read it.

I spent five years at my job and it wasn't until yesterday at 2:20 when I started my normal daily, see ya tomorrow's, that I knew I was going to miss the people I worked with more than I ever thought I would.

While it's always nice to hear that I made a contribution to the company. That my dependability, responsibility and dedication are appreciated, it's too bad it had to be my last day to hear that.

I spent the 30 minute drive home last night (Friday) crying even though I tried to make it stop.

I'm crying again as I finish typing this.

My mom called me last night after I left her a message, to make sure I was ok and I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I checked my eyes this morning and once I got past the bags, I noticed a red dot next to my iris. I'd popped a small blood vessel in my eye.

I'm sad about leaving, and I know I made the right decision but I'm still sad. My mom assures me that it's okay to be sad and it's ok to cry. It's a process and right now I need to grieve. Five years is a long time. But when I look back on how angry my job made me, it's a direct reflection on how much I cared. Even if there weren't a lot of people there that cared about me.

So I'm still sad but I hope that it will subside during this week. I'm working my part time job Monday - Wednesday and taking Thursday and Friday off. My house is a disaster and badly needs to be cleaned.

I'll miss my friends very much and I hope that PC knows how much I will miss sitting next to him, I don't think he knows how much his friendship means and has meant to me.

Okay, gotta go, can't see the keys or screen anymore and my nose is running.