Blah, blah, blah!

And what-the-fuck-ever!

I've had the SAME headache since Tuesday afternoon and it's really beginning to piss me off. Sigh. Life so totally blows right now and I'm seriously contemplating throwing myself one huge ass pity party. Wanna come?

First, let's talk money. I don't have any. I work, day after monotonous day, and when the weeks all done and it's time to begin anew, you can typically find me somewhere praying to the gods that I don't overdraw my account before I can get my check in the bank and begin the bloody cycle all over again.

Anyway, since my health insurance sucks balls (which, mind you, can be a rather pleasant thing under the right circumstances), next week is going to be a bitch. Each of us (Cameron, Drew and myself) have a two thousand dollar deductible to meet before the insurance company will bother to pay for anything and though I've been paying "in-full" for all of Cameron's psychologist visits, I still haven't met it. Which means that at next weeks appointment after I finish paying for that visit, I have to add the $530.00 my insurance company didn't pay for the ADHD testing. That brings us to $585.00 which, sadly, is more than I make in a week. Sigh.

Thankfully I only have nine car payments left but unfortunately, one of them is also due next week. It'll be interesting to see how in the hell I manage to pull that one off.

Then, of course, there's rent, electric, phone, water, yadda, yadda, yadda...

I've gained 15 pounds in the last 3 months and I can't even begin to tell you how fat and ugly I feel right now. I worked so hard to get the weight off and like an asshole I've sat here and let it all come back. I'm 5 pounds away from where I originally started and lately, I just want to lock myself up somewhere and hide.

Cameron is doing AWFUL! Every single bit of progress we made before he left is gone, and if I'm being honest, it's worse than before he started counseling. I don't know what Mara was trying to prove by the things she did and said while Cameron was with her but all she managed to do, aside from cementing our decision not to allow her to spend any time with him without Drew or myself present, is turn Cameron into a bitter, angry, over emotional child who's way out of control. I despise her for that but so much more for this helplessness I see in him again that he'd been working so hard to get beyond. It's sad and frustrating and tiring but we'll get past this bump in the road.

But, on a positive note, I have an appointment with Cameron's psychologist next Friday, just he and I, to discuss the results of his ADHD testing. And though the doctor wouldn't tell me much when we saw him on Tuesday, he did say that because he knew it was something I was struggling with, he wanted me to know that he's not recommending medication at this time. He said there are a great many things that DO need to be done and we'll discuss them during the appointment but, at this time, medication is not one of them. Thank the gods.

After his appointment Tuesday night, I took Cameron to see the "Simpsons Movie". He'd been driving me batty over wanting to see it and I wasn't sure whether it was a good idea but Drew went to see it the weekend it opened and he told me that while there were definitely parts that would be considered "strictly adult", he figured it'd be okay for Cameron to see it, so I took him. Drew certainly wasn't kidding about the "strictly adult" parts but they weren't really plentiful and Cameron enjoyed it. We (Mike, Nicole, Drew, Cameron and myself) also went to see "Hot Rod" on Sunday and it was hilarious. My mom and I are going to see "Bourne Ultimatum" the next Friday and I can't wait, we were supposed to see it on my birthday but the movie theater was packed that night so we passed.

Well, I figure I'll stop right here, oh, there's other things I could babble and bitch about but all it's doing is aggravating this annoying headache that plagues me. Blah. So, that's it, I'm out.