Aimee

"I wish I were never made."

Oh, how one small statement can break your heart.

Hollow you out, tear you apart.

Please tell mommy what made you feel this way?

And I promise I'll make it go away.

"I hate myself."

You hate yourself? Why?

Oh no please baby, don't cry.

God, where did this come from? What do I do?

Don't you know you're my life, I'd do anything for you.

"I'm just so stupid. I do stupid things."

Oh Cameron, you're the sweetest child I've ever known.

You've given me strength, you've helped me grow.

You are my purpose, the reason I fight.

All you have to do is smile and I know it's alright.

You are my heart, my soul... my everything.

Without you in my life baby, I'd have nothing.

I love you, you are my blessing.

The reason I breathe, my sole purpose for living.

~*~

And I'm feeling lost.

~*~

I edited this because Raph (thank you for your comments *kiss) brought up a good question... "what's going with cam? why does he feel like that?" ...Sigh. I'm not 100% sure because he hasn't made a comment like that in a while and things have gotten better lately. But up until a few months ago, Drew and I were very toxic for each other. It was ugly, we were ugly and sometimes Cameron got caught in the middle of the ugliness we spewed at each other. We'd fight and say hateful things to each other and because we were selfish, we didn't stop to think that what we were doing to each other was hurting Cameron. I depise myself for all the fights he witnessed but I can't go back and change them no matter how bad I want to. It all came to a head one night when we were alone (thankfully) and I told Drew that I wasn't in love with him anymore and I didn't know if I could spend the rest of my life with him. I was ready to walk but he asked me not to, he loved me and he wanted us to try and make it work. I've been with the man since I was 20 and he was 16, he's all I know and maybe it wasn't the best decision because sometimes I know we'd both be so much happier if we weren't together but we decided to try and make it work. It's not perfect but we've been doing okay. When we feel the need to be ugly with each other now, we take it out of the house and away from those we love. Cameron has been extremely happy since we quit publicly hurting each other but I think the fact that he's not adjusting well to kindergarten has stirred up some of those old feelings he was harboring. I love that kid more than anything in the world and I have to fix this. I have to.