Or year, whatever, though, considering all the changes currently happening in my life, a whole new world is certainly more apt. I could also dub this post, ‘Progesterone: Day One’ but that title’s not nearly as fun (FYI: It‘s now actually ‘Progesterone: Day Two‘ but, whatever).
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So, what’s up, peeps? I wish I could say not much here but, alas, I can not. In fact, there’s so much going on I fear my sanity’s in danger of flipping over to the dark side (seriously, when I start spouting nonsense like ‘Luke, I am your father’, drive me to the nearest loony bin and toss me in).
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Scariest thing, I seem to have lost my wit. Shudder. Just kidding, just kidding, although, it has been harder to come by these days. But, seriously, things are in such a flux for me right now, it’s hard to think straight so being witty, not so easy for me right now
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Where to begin? Where to begin?
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Perhaps I should start with the cyst-y, fibroid-y, anovulatory cycle having, premenopausal-ish, progesterone taking, infertile side. That’s a mouthful, huh? I could sit here and make flippant comments about how I used to be a woman but now I‘m not so sure but since, sadly, this is one of the things going on right now that bothers me much more than it probably should, I won‘t. I’m 34 years old, not young by any stretch of the imagination, but old enough to be going through (pre)menopause? To have to deal with the nightmare that are anovulatory cycles (mine, for some reason, are positively hideous) and the endometrial hyperplasia that could result from them? Or to deal with the fear of uterine cancer (among others) the endometrial hyperplasia could cause? To have to take progesterone for 7 days every month to regulate my “period” when I’m not ovulating anyway so what’s the fucking point? To have that devastating word ’infertile’ tagged to me like an albatross? No. No, dammit, I’m not. Not old enough and lately, I’m beginning to think not strong enough either. It’s kinda funny but out of all of it, it’s the ’infertile’ part that bothers me the most. Drew didn’t want any more children, as far as he was concerned Cameron was it and I resigned myself to that fact long ago but making the decision not to have any more children and being told that physically, you can’t are two entirely different things and I’m just not handling it well.
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And then there’s my job. Sigh. I’ve had the same job (though it’s grown into more than it was when I started) for 13 years and I love that damn job and more than that, I love the people I work with, they’re more than co-workers, they’re family and I can‘t imagine not going there everyday, not seeing them everyday, I just can‘t. Since we said our goodbyes last Wednesday, I’ve had this ache I just can’t ease, it’s hard to explain but in a lot of ways, it feels like someone died and took a huge part of me with them. This more than the financial and insurance related repercussions is what weighs on me most right now, though, I do realize those things are very much going to bite me in the ass sooner rather than later.
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Financially, we’re big fat mess right now. Drew is working, not steady but for now, he is working. When that ends, well, I don’t really know what we’re going to do then. As much as I don’t want to, I’m going to file for unemployment next week and try to get by with that while I look for another job and try to figure out what to do about the health insurance nightmare I’m about to embark upon. It’s like one big cluster-fuck right now as far as money is concerned. There’s still all the regular bills plus my medical expenses to worry about but somehow we have to try and start putting money aside in case we have to move. See, the building we live in was foreclosed upon a few months ago and now the bank owns it, since then, practically every family that lived here has moved out. Out of the eight townhouses here, only three of them are still occupied and I just don’t like how it’s all playing out especially considering all the people who’ve moved over the last three months had lived here for a good amount of time prior to the bank taking over. It’s a worry.
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The health insurance issue is a sticky one and I’m just not sure how or what I’m going to do about it. Right now, I’m covered until January 31st but after that, nothing. And being that I have a medical condition that unfortunately falls under that nasty “Preexisting Condition” clause (that should’ve been abolished years ago) it makes getting health insurance a bit stickier than normal. I’ve applied for Medicaid and been denied but I will apply again (and again if I have to) but if I do eventually get approved then I have to deal with finding a new immunologist because my current doctor (and the one I’ve had since 1998 who diagnosed my condition) does not take any form of government insurance. I could get a job and try to get on their group policy but the problem with that is, most company’s have a six month waiting period before health benefits are offered and then that nasty clause will most likely come into play and the benefits would be useless. It’s a mess and one my overtaxed mind is struggling to work around.
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Sigh. It’s all messy right now. Everything. It seems hopeless to me but I’m trying not to think that way. It’s hard.
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On the positive side of things, Cameron has baseball try-outs this week and he’s very excited about that. And all my babies (Handsome Jack, Harley, Mushu, Remy, Drago, Phoenix, Jasmine, Rock, Terra, Rex, Bugsy and Tabby) are all doing fairly well. Remy is still having issues with yellow fungus as is Harley and Terra and Rex still don’t eat on their own but we’re working on fixing those issues. Jasmine, our newest baby, was a skinny minny when she came to us but she’s fattening up nicely and that makes me happy. Despite all the problems in my life, these animals give me so much joy and I love them unbelievably, they’re like the children I now know for sure I’ll never have.
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And well, that’s really it, I suppose. There’s probably something I’m missing but since I can’t think of it, I’ll take it as one less thing to worry about.
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Happy New Year all. I hope 2010 is a splendid year for everyone.
Labels: Baseball, Cameron, Drew, Health, Work
