Hmm. How 'bout that.

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Start using a condom. Get your resolution here

Condom? What the hell's that? Okay, I'm just kiddin'. I know perfectly well what a condom is, but (there's always a but) I haven't used one in so long, I scarcely remember what to do with one. And on a purely TMI basis, I have a slight problem with latex, I do believe I'm allergic. Maybe that's the reason I've had so few sex partners. Eh, who knows?

On the other hand, I'd have to start having regular sex to fulfill that resolution, and honestly, I'm not thinking that'd be a bad thing.

Have a Happy New Year, all.

~ * Aimee * ~

Aimee -- Happy New Year!

First, in case I don’t make it back this way before then, I hope you all have splendid and utterly Happy New Year! Have tons of fun, and one of you have a drink for me, will ya? But all fun aside, be safe.

Well, it’s after midnight, do you know where your kiddies are?

I do, and it ain’t here. Cameron has been off hangin’ in the boons (translates to some 3 block town up in North Florida) with Drew’s parents since Tuesday, and as much as I needed some alone time (which technically, I haven’t gotten), I miss the little monster something fierce.

I feel somewhat better (not physically, but mentally) today than I did yesterday, and that’s a good thing, I suppose. My "sober" sister has managed to steer clear of anything remotely containing alcohol since the other night, and as a substitute is currently subjecting me to hours and hours (and hours – I shit you not, we’ve been watching since I walked through the door at 5:45pm) of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on DVD. And I gotta say, Spike is one sexy motherfucker, and after hours of staring at him, I have this intense urge to bite him. Come to think of it, Willow too, she’s much hotter than Buffy.

And I’m slightly creeped out by the fact that someone with whom I had a rather volatile relationship that ended over ten years ago is currently searching for me. I happen to know he landed here through one of those searches because I tracked his IP and he also managed to find me on Reunion.com because they sent me an e-mail telling me that he’s added me to his contacts. It’s just weird. I haven’t spoken to the man in over six years and we didn’t exactly end things on the best of terms. Maybe he’s looking for his comic books? If that’s the case, I don’t have them anymore, Eric. I turned them over to Melissa years ago. You’ll have to find her if that’s what you’re wanting.

Well, I really don’t have anything more to say. So, I'll leave you with this...

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move ours souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same. -- Flavia Weedn

Happy New Year

Since I'm leaving for the day shortly and will be training my replacement on Monday when I come into work, I don't know how much "free" time I'm going to have.

So Happy New Year

I hope you have a safe one!

My smilies don't seem to be cooperating today so use your imagination!

Aimee

Unrequited love (lust, want, like, friendship, etc.) is painful. No one can control what they feel for someone else (or at least I can't) and when those feelings aren't returned, it hurts. But being in love with someone who isn't in love with you is no excuse for allowing that love to destroy you.

Because I know what it's like to love and not be loved in return, I've tried to be understanding, but when the person you're in love with callously uses that love against you and then sits back on the sidelines and watches you self-destruct, it makes the fact that you let him intolerable. And here's where I have a problem because I have no more understanding left, not for this, not anymore.

And you're probably all wondering what the hell has me rambling on about love and destruction, huh? Well, I'll tell you.

In a word: Christie.

Christie has become a living, breathing, walking nightmare who has slipped into self-destruct mode and refuses to see that she's not just hurting herself with the stupid shit that she's doing. And the worst part, the part that I'm having trouble swallowing is that it's all on account of one worthless scumbag who doesn't give two shits that his fucked up games are destroying her. And really, why should he? He does not love her, he has never loved her and he will never love her. What he loves is fucking her, and as long as she continues to let him, he'll continue to fuck her (literally).

D has been playing this head game with Christie since last January and the effects of these games he plays with her have caused a lot of ugly scenes, but none as ugly as the one I was subjected to last night. And all I'm going to say about the bullshit that went down here last night is that this single minded obsession she has with a man who does nothing but use her as a tool to get himself off whenever he has a fucking itch caused her to lose any sense of self control and forget that she has fucking responsibilities that can't be shoved aside while she drowns herself in alcohol. Because I love her, I'll put up with a lot, but I won't put up with that.

Maybe this is selfish of me, but fuck, I have my own shit to deal with. And I don't think she has any idea because she's so absorbed in this twisted game that asshole is playing with her that she can't see anything else, but she needs to wake up and pay attention because I'm not doing so good and I don't know how much more I can take. Stress is eating me from the inside out and my health is basically fucked because I'm too busy taking care of everyone else to worry about myself. I haven't had an infusion since mid November and I feel like the walking dead, I rarely sleep anymore because I can't and I'm so tired, I hardly eat anymore because it hurts to eat and I think I'm getting an ulcer. And that's just my health, I won't bother with my mental state because I'll be here all night.

I can't do it anymore, I just can't.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I've gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I've gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Scars -- Papa Roach

I love her, but I can't fix her, I've tried, but the only person who can fix her is her.

And I've said this before, but I have no one in my life that I can physically turn to for help, for support, for love, for understanding, for comfort. I have no friends, and when I need to talk to someone, there's no one to listen. It gets a bit lonely, but I deal with it because I know that when shit gets to be too much, I can go to Angie and she'll help and she'll support and she'll understand and she'll comfort and she'll listen. And I'm thankful for her and her friendship and the love she selflessly gives me. I love you, Ang.

Love thy neighbor.

And honestly, I do, she’s a super nice lady, but her nephew on the other hand, is starting to really piss me off. You see, a couple weeks ago, he caught me while I was outside and started bitching about where my sister parks her car because in his eyes, she’s parking in "his" spot. Well, the spot he’s referring to is in the guest parking area along the hedges that line the townhouses, so technically, it’s no more his spot than it is Christie’s, and I told him as much when he was bitching about it. Apparently that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, and now he’s become hellbent on proving some kind of point by parking in "my" spot (which is legitimately my parking spot) whenever I’m not in it. And I have to tell you, I’m about a step away from getting rude with him if he doesn’t quit parking in my fucking spot.

Anyhow, the rest of my night was spent consoling a hysterical, overly emotional, completely shit faced, weeping Christie who, in the process of my weak attempt at consoling her spilled her wine all over me and managed to smoke the rest of "my" cigarettes. Sounds fun, huh?

But you know what the real pisser is? After Christie smoked all of my cigarettes she (who could barely walk) announced that she was going to drive up to 7-Eleven to get some more. Now, I couldn’t let her do that, could I? So instead of letting her drunk ass get behind the wheel, I drove my happy ass up to 7-Eleven to get her some fucking cigarettes and while I was there, I decided that I HAD to have a Slurpee, but the damn Slurpee machine was broken. What the hell kind of 7-Eleven has a broken Slurpee machine for fucks sake? It’s just not natural. Sigh.

Oh well, that’s the breaks, I suppose.

What to write

What to write. . . . I'm so boring.

I finally busted ass yesterday and posted 11, yes 11 chapters of my fic up on mine and Aimee's site yesterday. I have about a million more to go, but at least I put a reasonable dent in it.

I had dinner with my niece last night. It went good, She keeps getting complimented on how much like her mother she looks like, me. It's funny. You have no idea how warm and fuzzy that makes me feel. Also how bad I feel for her actual mom. We talked about all sorts of stuff, but I didn't lecture her or anything, she's had enough of that.

I still have to mail Aimee her cookies, and I'm going to do it tomorrow. I swear.

I'm going to the post office tonight to pick up the gift she sent me.

I have banned myself from drinking at family functions. I had a little too much wine on X-Mas eve and told someone a secret about myself that I shouldn't have shared. It's not something I'm proud of, my secret, but I'm hoping that he was more drunk than I was and won't remember. Or better yet, not blab it to anyone else.

I'm mad at myself this morning because I screwed up a check. One out of 500 isn't bad, but for being the last payroll of the year. But the guy that it happened to was super nice and super understanding about it. So that made it easier, but I still feel bad that I screwed it up cause I shouldn't have. I went through the damn preview carefully and slowly so I wouldn't mess it up and I did. I hate it when I make a mistake. Hate it.

I really really want to start smoking again. X-Mas eve I smoked way to much. I had one yesterday with Nicole at work and I really want one right now.

I have a work comp auditor coming today and I'm not really ready for her. Since our "interm" controller scheduled her to come in and I'm not happy that he took that upon himself to do when I'm the one that has to do all the prep work. Jerk. I'm so glad that I'm not going to be working for him. I don't like him at all.

The count down is on folks, only 29 more days of being here and I'm outtie.

Got an email to pay one of our employees a $3000 dollar incentive to stay with the company. How come I'm not worth paying to stay? Can you hear the thoughts of self-doubt and self-worth floating in my head?

Brother got me Em's Curtain Call Cd. I'm gonna have to listen to it today. I think.

I have no idea what else to blog about. There's plenty of bitching and complaining I could do but, I don't wanna.

Have a super day!

Aimee -- Ouch.

God, I am in so much pain. I can’t even remember the last time I was in this much pain. I don’t know what the hell happened, but I’ve somehow done gone and fucked up my knee. And it hurts, dammit, it really, really hurts.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

I think I’m going to go curl up on the couch and have a good cry. It won’t make my knee feel any better, but fuck it, I’m going to do it anyway.

Aimee

There are a whole mess of pictures of the kids opening their presents and what not, but I took those with Drew's digital camera and he has yet to send them to me. So, here are the few that I took with mine.

^^ Cameron and Sarah playing in the sand just before Christmas dinner at my mom's house in Okeechobee.


^^ Cameron in front of my mom's fireplace just after dinner.


^^ Cameron and Sarah in a rare moment of comradery.


^^ Is that not the most fabulous thing you've ever seen? It's mine. I know, I know, I'm too old to be playing with dolls, but who cares, it's beautiful!



And here's the rest of what I got (minus the 4 cup coffee pot from my dad and a few other things I was either wearing or already opened) from the wonderful people who love me.

Thanks, all.

Aimee a.ka. The Kid Magnet.

It’s late and I’m tired, but for me, being tired means nothing where matters of sleep are concerned. Sleep eludes me anymore.

Anyhow, I was off today and had every intention of sleeping in, but as intentions usually go, it just didn’t work out. Cameron woke me up first because there was a toy he was itching to play with and he needed me to help him undo all of those annoying little twist ties toy manufacturers torture parents with. After I accomplished that little task, I curled back up, closed my eyes and drifted back to the land of dreams while Cameron played (quietly, I might add) with his newly liberated toy on the floor next to my bed. Bliss. Or it was until Christie deposited Sarah downstairs while she moseyed her ass back upstairs to do whatever the hell she was doing up there for over an hour.

You know how some people just seem to attract something? Men, women, cats, dogs, etc., etc., etc.. Well, for me, it’s children. I attract children. They’re drawn to me like I’ve got some kind of crazy magnet sewn to my ass. Needless to say, it wasn’t long before Sarah was crawling all over me, and because Cameron is the jealous sort, he couldn’t have that So, before I could utter a protest, I had not one but two children snuggled up against me, showering me with love. It was sweet and all, but honestly, I was just wanting to sleep. I finally said to hell with it and got up because those two lovely children had no intention of letting me go back to sleep.

And then that evil woman that is my sister emerged from her peaceful haven upstairs and announced that since I was off work today, she figured she’d just leave Sarah with me. I’m thinking maybe she should’ve checked with me first, but because my middle name is "sucker", I ended up spending my day off with two rowdy children. Sigh.

After Christie sauntered off to do a bit of shopping before she went to work, I answered Angie’s text message from last night and after a couple texts back and forth, I signed into Yahoo and we chatted for a bit. It was fabulous. We haven’t been able to chat online since those evil people she works for banned the use of all instant messaging programs and I’ve really missed our chats so it was nice to be able to do it again. And because she’s like the best friend ever, she talked me through this foolish bit of jealousy (a pointless emotion, I rarely encounter) I’ve been experiencing recently and made me feel so much better about the whole thing. Thank you, Ang, my sweet.

Sadly, I had to end my chat session with Angie because Thing 1 and Thing 2 were slowly working their way into one of their countless bickering sessions over some silly fuzzy poster I bought Cameron for Christmas. Once I nixed the impending argument, I rounded the two of them up and headed off to pick up Drew for lunch because he wanted to spend a bit of time with Cameron before he heads off to High Springs with Drew’s parents for the remainder of his Winter break. Then it was on to my mom’s house to share some of the kiddies love with her. I don’t believe she thanks me for it either.

And the rest of the day (and night) was pretty much spent refereeing the children. Ah, fun times. Now I’m thinking that maybe I should try and get some sleep. Wish me luck.

Aimee

Another Christmas bites the dust. And it was nice, if not a bit chaotic at times.

Cameron, bless his heart, was up before the sun, ruthlessly making his way back and forth between the couch in the living room where Drew was sleeping and the daybed in the dining room where I was sleeping to see which one of us he could harrass out of bed first. I do believe it was Drew who got up first, with me seconds behind him. Then it was on to the "let's see how much noise it takes to annoy Christie out of bed" game. Not much (hee hee). Ah, what fun.

Well, after some bitching and moaning about having to get up at the crack of dawn, Christie demanded (rather crossly, I might add) coffee while I, being the mood killer of the bunch, forced the kiddies to eat breakfast before any little fingers came in contact with anything resembling a present. I know, I know, I'm awful, I should be ashamed of myself.

Anyhow, shortly after Cameron and Sarah inhaled a completely non-nutritional bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, it was on to the presents.

And did you know that once you start ripping into it, wrapping paper appears to grow and multiply until you're practically buried under various piles of the dratted stuff?

While Christie and I were drowning in a sea of never ending paper gaily adorned with santa's and snowmen and candy canes, the piles of toys and games and books and movies went to war with the sea of wrapping paper until we felt like we were suffocating. But it was all for a good cause.

Cameron and Sarah done good. They were happy and for a brief shining moment, they actually got along with each other, which made the last minute wrapping spree Christie and I went on the night before worth every second. I took pictures, lots and lots of pictures. And when I'm feeling a little less lazy, I'll figure out why the USB cord for my digital camera is acting funny, and post a few.

And aside from a minor fight that I had to break up between Christie and Drew (they seriously hate each other) just before dinner, the rest of the day went relatively smoothe.

All in all, it was a good day.

And last but certainly not least, Angie and Evan, thank you. You're both fantastic and I love you more than I could possibly express.

Happy Holidays!!

To you and yours.

Everything gets a bit crazy after today, and I don't know if I'll make it back before Christmas has passed. If not, I hope you all have a bright, safe and blissful holiday.

~ * Aimee * ~

Today was nice (well, until a bit ago when that rather large, impressive looking man was standing on my doorstep staring precariously at me because my son threw a rock which happened to hit his son in the arm. But honestly, he was really nice about it considering the circumstances), really nice. We (Kim, her son Nick, Cathy and Terry) all exchanged gifts at work and then just sat around talking and what-not until about 2 when we called it a day.

Now, there’s a whole mess of pretty packages for Cameron but I don’t know what’s in them because they never will tell me, but I got some really cool stuff (*smile*). Let’s see...

Kim and Nick got me an adorible pair of pajama’s (I have a strange affection for pajama’s), a pair of super-comfy socks to wear in the house (sigh, they’re so soft), a selection of Christmas scented candles from Yankee Candle Company with a cute little glass holder to put them in and 2 lbs. Of Dunkin Donuts coffee (I frickin’ LOVE their coffee).

Cathy gave me a hundred dollar bill wrapped in a box.

Terry gave me $150.00 in a card that read "Merry Christmas, Aimee! Thanks for everything (even when I’m an asshole). LOL.

And Warren gave me a heater fan for my office because I’m always complaining that my feet are cold.

They’re all so sweet. And you know, out of all the things I’m thankful for, loving the people I work with (and for) and having them love me in return is pretty high on the list.

Tonight my mom is coming over to drop off presents for Cameron, Sarah, Christie and myself because we won’t see her until sometime in the afternoon on Christmas day and she wants us to have our gifts for the morning.

And tomorrow, I’m making a mini Christmas dinner for my dad and my grandparents because they’re not going to Okeechobee on Christmas day for the big family dinner. I also have o swing by the UPS location in Deerfield sometime before 5 pm to pick up my package from Angie because I wasn’t here when they tried to deliver it earlier today. Sometime in the evening I have to go pick up Drew because he’s spending the night Christmas Eve so he’ll be here in the morning when Cameron gets up.

Then it’s Christmas, my favorite day of the year. I haven’t been able to get into the spirit this year, but now that it’s right around the corner, I can’t wait!

Aimee

Ah, it's cold out today (it was in the 40's when I left the house this morning and it's still in the 60's right now) and I like it. I really, really like it. Angie would probably laugh at me seeing as I whined like a contrary child every time it got a just bit chilly last year.

Speaking of Angie, I need her right now. I truly do. I've been in such a bad place lately and I need to talk to someone before I lose whatever small pieces of sanity I've managed to hold onto. And I just don't have anyone here physically that I can talk to. Besides, I think she'd understand what I'm feeling, she usually always does. We were text messaging last night, but I think I might actually call her tonight. I'm weird about calling people, I typically don't do it unless they ask me to because I have some hang-up about bothering people but I think I'm going to go against that and call her anyway.

And God, I have so much to do tonight. I'll be wrapping presents and making cookie bags until my eyes cross because tomorrow is when we're exchanging gifts at work. We don't do that whole "Secret Santa" thing because there are only 4 of us that actually work in the office and we're the only ones that exchange gifts with each other. But I have 4 gifts for Kim, 3 for her son Nick, 2 for Cathy and 2 for Terry, plus, cookie bags for Clyde and my 4 warehouse guys. And then I have to go out and get stocking stuffers for Cameron because I absolutely refuse to go into any retail outlet this weekend. I'm just not doing it. After that it's laundry and a few of the other domestic chores I loathe, plus, I have a writing deadline I've been foolishly ignoring and seeing as my word count is a bit (okay, a lot) short, I need to get my ass in gear.

Well, that's it for me today. I hope you all have a wonderful evening.

If common sense were so common, everyone would have it.

An inadequate amount of sleep has me feeling unusually blah, plus, I'm having one of those days where nothing about myself feels right. I feel ugly and fat and blah. Just blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, moving on...

My sister has been teasing me relentlessly all week (and I'm not going to discuss what about because it's just silly) and if she doesn't stop it I'm going to smack her upside that hard ass head of hers.

And speaking of my twisted sister, see if you can follow this one... last night, before she pissed me off, she sat down with the intent of writing a poem that she insists isn't hers but one she dreamt someone else wrote (for me, no less), and it was so good that if the person she dreamt wrote it wasn't going to actually write it, then she needed to. So, what I'm wondering here is, why the hell is Christie dreaming about other people writing poetry for me? And if she dreamt the poem in question, wouldn't it be hers as opposed to the person she dreamt wrote it?

Confused? I was. Completely. Hell, I still am. Oh well, we'll just chalk it up to her being eccentric.

But her eccentric nature does not excuse that other thoughtless bullshit she pulled last night. You see, Drew did this portrait of himself flipping me off that he hung up on the wall next to my computer just before he moved out and it drove Christie crazy that I wouldn't take it down.



Well, I finally took it down the other day when my dad and I were getting the daybed set up in the dining room and she just noticed last night. So, right in front of Cameron, she says...

"I'm glad you finally took his picture down. I know you were leaving it up to remind yourself what an asshole Drew is, but he made you miserable, Aimee. I know it, you know it and everyone else knows it too. He never trusted you, hell, he was always making jaded comments about you screwing around on him and what pisses me off the most is what he did to your self-esteem. You used to be so beautiful, but you let him kill your self-esteem by making you feel ugly and worthless. So you don't need that obnoxious picture to remind yourself of all the shit he's done to you. We all know he's an asshole."

Whatever Drew did to me, I let him do and while some of what she said is true, it's not something that should be discussed in front of his child. Ever. I didn't say anything to her about it last night because Cameron was sitting on the couch with my dad and when I turned around, he had his hands over his ears and was rocking back and forth whispering, "I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I can't hear you." over and over again, but I will.

I don't know? I know she didn't do it intentionally, but God, I wish she'd use her brain sometimes and think before she opens her fucking mouth.

Sigh.

Today has just not been a good day.

I think I'll go home and cuddle with that cute little bear someone extremely special gave me for Christmas.

I hope you're all having a better one than I.

Merry Christmas

to you and yours!!

I'm taking Thursday off to do all of the Holiday baking with my mom, Aim - I'll get yours mailed out first thing on Tuesday! Which means I'll be sans internet access until Monday when I come back to work.

I'm working my part time job on Friday but I don't have any of my bookmarks stored. I'll be checking my email but that's about it.

I'm done with my shopping except for one gift but it can wait until after Chrsitmas cause I won't see them until then.

So everyone have a happy, safe and joyous Christmas. I hope Santa brings you everything you want!!

Aimee

Ugh. I'm sore, I'm tired and God, my head is killing me but that's what I get for growing some twisted Wonder Woman complex at 12:30 in the morning which was followed by a bunch of sitting around acting like I didn't have to get up for work this morning instead of doing the sensible thing and taking my ass to bed. Well, I did have to get up for work this morning and now I'm paying for my fruitless attempt at being a superhero(ine). Oh well, maybe after a hundred (or so) cups of coffee I'll feel better. We'll see.

So, what the heck was I doing at 12:30 in the morning? You ask.

Why I was helping my dad move the stackable washer/dryer unit back into the hall closet upstairs, of course. And let me tell ya, that sucker is heavy, really heavy (or I'm just weak, whichever). But after a lot of cursing and a couple smashed fingers we managed to get the damn thing back in the hall closet. The dryer is still toast (mental note to self to call the landlord right after I kick Christie's ass for having Robin pull the bloddy thing out of the closet in the first place) but the washer is fixed and that'll have to do for the moment.

And while I have Christie on the brain, I should probably clarifty a couple things about our relationship because it's occured to me that with all the bitching I do about the lovely women, people might get the idea that I don't love her, that we're not close and that's not so, not at all. I do, immensely and we are, absolutely. Thing is, we're different, her and I, like night and day really, and that makes for a whole lot of head-butting over just about everything. But it's no big thing cause we always make nice (that is, after the claws retract, of course).

Matter of fact, the lovely woman in question just called to tell me that the postman left something for me on our doorstep. Isn't that lovely? I thought so. What wasn't lovely was the arguement over who should get to open the box. It's mine. Mine, mine, mine. So, I get to open it, dammit. She was most unhappy about that unarguable fact, and attempted to change bargaining tactics, but after I threatened to cause bodily harm if she so much as put her hands on the box again, she relented with no more than a "bitch" muttered (lovingly, I might add) under her breath. See how reasonable we can be with each other.

And that's all for now, folks, but it's early yet so who knows what the day will bring.

Stop the Presses...

Aimee done had herself a good day. Yee Haw, Whoo Hoo and all that noise.

And you know why?

Cause my mommy and I baked cookies, lots and lots of cookies. And God, my body feels like it was run down by a rather large truck, I’m so tired it’s a wonder my head hasn’t hit the desk yet and I smell like almond extract but it’s okay cause I had fun! Lots of fun.

And that’s it, the rest of the weekend was anticlimactic and not worth mentioning really so I’m not gonna.

Hope you all had a good one.

And the award for biggest "drama queen" goes to...

Okay, now that I've completed the task set forth by AB (see below), let's talk about a bunch of other inconsequential shit, shall we?

Well let's see at the moment I'm pissy, annoyed, stressed past my limit, over tired and horny. And I have to tell ya, if I don't get laid soon I might just die. Seriously. And since Drew is my only option and he can't help me out cause he has to go to his company Christmas party tonight, it's looking like death for me. Sigh. And I realize that was probably more than any of you wanted to know, but I said it anyway cause it's true, dammit. Besides, sex is a great stress reliever and I happen to be in serious need of relieving some stress here.

Anyway, moving on...

I'm not liking all the drama that seems to constantly make its way through the door at what should be my refuge for pitys sake. It's nothing but drama, drama, drama -- all drama, all the time. I shit you not, living with Christie is a 24/7 spectacle of drama (most of which is self created) and it's starting to make me edgy. Take last night for instance, there I was sitting on the couch minding my own business, trying to watch CSI and what should occur smack in the fucking middle of it? Why the phone rang of course, now I have no aversion to talking on the phone, I like talking on the phone, hell, I like talking period, but when it's a weeping, sobbing, barely coherent Christie on the other end babbling something about how horrid our mother is and somebody getting fired and hell I don't know, she was hard to follow while I'm trying to keep up with something on TV is a pisser.

And then to top off the fact that I missed a good 15 minutes of CSI, the weeping woman on the other end of the line informs me that she needs me to go to the store and get her a 12 pack of Corona because there is no way she can go into the store looking like she did. So because my mom came down on her ass (rightfully, I might add) and caused her to cry, I have to go to the damn store and get her some beer? I don't even drink beer for fucks sake. But you know what the sad part is? I went. So much for not letting people wipe their feet all over my ass anymore. And of course today, I got the other half of the story (without all the theatrics thrown in) when my mom called to vent about Christie.

Any of you know what it feels like to be a puppet that has everyone fighting over who gets to pull its strings? I do.

And I'm just being mean again, but dammit, don't I deserve a fucking break every once in a while?

Oh well, it's Friday, maybe the weekend will turn out peachy, but I'm not holding my breath on that one. Either way, I hope all of you have a pleasant one.

Aimee -- Tagged.

The fabulous AB done gone and tagged us (both of us). So, here ya go...

What were you doing ten years ago?
In December '95, I was only six months out of high school and working three part time jobs while I tried to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I knew I didn't want to go to college but beyond that, I had no clue what I wanted. I'd just said goodbye to a bad and rather abusive relationship that left me with a ton of emotional scars and not too many good memories. It was also the month and year that Drew and I crossed paths again (we'd previously met about a year before but oddly enough, didn't like each other. He thought I was a stuck-up bitch and honestly, I didn't pay him enough mind to form an opinion) when he started working for Publix, and though there was a whole lot of flirting, we didn't actually start dating until May of '96.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was trying to get past the heartbreak of almost losing our house (the house I grew up in that we'd bought from my parents in 2001) to foreclosure in October '04 as well as try not to feel resentment or place the blame on either Drew or myself and just accept that it happened. On top of that, I had to deal with the fact that although we managed to sell the house before that happened, my credit was still fucked eight ways to Sunday because I was the primary applicant on the mortgage note. I was also trying to help Cameron adjust to a much smaller place with no pool and no yard, it was hard and it was heartbreaking because there were so many things we had to leave behind like his tree house and his playset and my porch swing and just too much.

Five Snacks that you enjoy?
1) Snickers
2) Cheetos
3) Brownies
4) Pickles
5) Cheese Sticks

All of it unhealthy...

Five songs you know all the lyrics to?
1) Renegade -- Eminem/Jay Z
2) Rock Bottom -- Eminem
3) Heaven -- Bryan Adams
4) Can't Take My Eyes Off You -- Lauryn Hill
5) Let Me Let Go -- Faith Hill

Five things you'd do if you were a millionaire?
1) Set Cameron up for whatever its is he wishes to do when he's older.
2) Buy a cute little house for us.
3) As crazy as this sounds, I'd help Drew get his art business off the ground because he's extremely talented and he has the potential to go where ever he wants to go if only he had the means.
4) Pay off the mortgage on my mom's new house because she works entirely too hard and she deserves a break, I'd also put my dad and my grandparents up somewhere because I see how my dad struggles to take care of gramma and papaw and I think he deserves a break too. 5) Travel, travel, travel.

Five Bad Habits.
1) I'm passive
2) I'm a procrastinator
3) I'm extremely lazy
4) I have very low self-esteem and because I do, I have a habit of trashing myself
5) Even though constant pressure from friends and family has me cutting back, I still smoke

Five Things You Like Doing?
1) Reading
2) Writing
3) Sleeping (Oh man, I love to sleep)
4) Talking (Once I get to talking, you'll wish I'd never started)
5) Hanging with peeps I love

Five things you would never wear again?
1) Spandex (hate it)
2) Pantyhose (ugh -- thigh highs are the only way to go)
3) Anything fluorescent
4) Scrunchy socks
5) Halter tops (I just don't like them)

Five Favorite Toys?
1) Barbies (still -- I know it's weird, what can I say?)
2) Easy Bake Oven
3) Cabbage Patch Kids (Especially the preemies)

That's it. I can't remember anything else.

I never tag because I can never figure out exactly who to tag, but if you'd like to do it, I certainly won't stop you.

Bring on the rain...

I've decided that 90% of meteorologists have absolutely no clue what the fuck they're talking about. No chance of rain, my ass. Oh well, I don't mind a little rain, not really, only downside (as I told Angie earlier) is driving. A little rain falls and I swear, people act like they've never driven a fucking car before. It's annoying.

And I should note that when I get in a pissy mood, my language takes a nosedive. I curse without shame most of the time anyway, but when I'm moody it's so much worse. If it offends, I apologize.

This is tricky because in order for anyone to understand what the hell I'm talking about, I should probably explain what went down over the weekend but I can't find a way to explain it without making my sister look bad and I don't want to do that. Let's just say that she did something really (really) low in a twisted attempt at vengeance and from where I'm standing all she did was make an ass of herself. Anyway, I've been beating myself up since Sunday night about the harsh way I spoke to her. And I won't say that she didn't need to hear what I said to her because she did but I've been feeling that maybe I could've been a bit more gentle in how I said it, you know?

But Angie, that lovely woman I'm honored to call my friend, told me to stop beating myself up over this because I handled it the only way there was to handle it. Christie needed harsh to get her attention and hopefully prevent her from doing something that fucked up again. So thanks, Angie. You're always there for me and I'm thankful for you. I love you, cupcake (LOL, I'm back to desserts again).

As for today -- in a word -- shit.

Kim's son is in the hospital, my washer (my dryer was already toast) is now broken and since Bugsy pissed all over the load of laundry I did earlier in the week I have to do some tonight or we'll all be going naked tomorrow, I ran out of the tea I like to drink at night (I prefer coffee but I'm already wound tighter than a spring and coffee doesn't help fix that so it's hot tea -- either this funky raspberry tea from Lipton or green tea from Celestial Seasonings -- in the after hours for me) and the only way to fix that is going to the grocery store and I'm not going there, not with two overhyper kiddies in tow and Robin was supposed to pick up Cameron today but called and said that he couldn't so now I have to figure out how the hell I'm going to pick him up at school in Coral Springs (which from where I am, is about a 40 minute commute in rush hour) and Sarah in Deerfield (which is about 20 minutes) before 6 PM. Seeing as I don't get off until 5 PM, I'm thinking it's going to be damn near impossible.

And after I stir the air, cast some spells and say a few prayers that I'm able to pick them both up before 6, I get to take them home with me and let me tell you, if they're not constantly bickering with each other, they're getting into some kind of trouble together. Sounds fun, huh? Ah well, that's the breaks.

But it's not all bad, you know? There are a few people that actually love me and when you break it down, that's what really matters.

So in the words of Jo Dee Messina...

Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (‘cause)

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It’s almost like the hard times circle ‘round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated, I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing, but I’m not dead

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I’m not gonna let it get me down
I’m not gonna cry
And I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight

I can take it.

Now, where was I?

Oh yes, throwing myself a pity party. Still doing it, though I have managed to take a small step back from depressions dark door but only a small one.

Have I ever mentioned how extremely passive I am? I mean, I've had that whole "doormat" thing down pat for years but damned if I'm not starting to get a bit tired of laying down like a good girl while people wipe their feet all over my ass. I'm sick, tired and done. Period. That's probably not good news for a few people but fuck if I care.

I'm feeling hostile today (for days), can you tell? I'll get over it eventually but in the meantime, I imagine that I'm not the best company, which is why I've been unusually quiet lately. I'm figuring that nobody wants to deal with a bitch sporting a massive attitude, and they shouldn't have to either. And poor Christie is taking the brunt of my bitchiness. I said the nastiest thing to her the other night and I felt like an asshole after I said it because it was obvious I hurt her feelings but sometimes she does the most asinine things and when I have so much on my own plate I just can't deal with her self-created dramas. I am sorry that I hurt her feelings though, I should have handled the situation with more sensitivity.

Well, aside from being abnormally pissy, I've been trying to get into Christmas (which is my absolute favorite holiday) but I'm having a bit of trouble this year. I started out good, but took a nosedive somewhere along the line. I actually chewed Christie's ass last night because she asked me a week ago if I'd leave half of the tree tinsel free so she could do it with Sarah and she still hadn't put tinsel on that half of the damn tree. It was a pointless and completely uncalled for arguement for which I apologized but that's textbook for me this week.

And I've had to have some serious talks with myself about jumping Drew's ass because though he's dragging his feet (which he explained today isn't his fault) he did agree to help me pay the rent that is currently 14 days late before I get tossed out on my ass. We (Drew and I) were (are still, I believe) at an impasse where financial responsibility is concerned and up until recently I hadn't asked him for any help finacially because I know how he feels about it and tried to handle it all myself but I just can't swing it on my own, I need his help.

Anyway, I wrapped a whole mess of presents (and managed to rip a good amount of skin off my bottom lip with the packing tape -- don't ask) after House and Law & Order: SVU were over because I needed to box them up so my dad could hit the post office today. One (Evan's, I think) of two boxes went out today but apparently I didn't give my dad enough money so he's going to have to go back and mail the other one (Angie's) tomorrow.

Oh, here's something happy to talk about... my mom and I took Cameron to the Magic Kingdom and MGM Studios to celebrate his birthday over the weekend. And God, he had a blast!! You should've seen his sweet face when we rode Splash Mountain, oh, and when he was exploring Tom Sawyers Island and the Osborne Family Spectacle of Lights at MGM. It was the best. And I can't even describe how good it felt to see him put all his troubles aside and just have fun. I love that little monster.

And that's all. Have a good one.

Angie's Entry - Bits of Randomness

~ It's official. I put my resignation in at work last week. My last day is January 27th. I agreed to stay through year end for three weeks of additional pay plus my two weeks of 2006 vacation.

~ I had to type up my own job posting yesterday because hour Human Resource guy is capable of absolutely nothing.

~ I'm almost done with my christmas shopping. I have about four more things to buy and I'll be done.

~ I had my nails done last night and the lady that did them did a horrible job, so I went home and fixed them myself. I have to find a new nail place. I'll look next week when I go for a color change. I want red with snowflakes.

~ I'm going to talk to my niece hopefully this week. She says she's not coming to christmas eve. That's what she thinks.

~I sent my sister an email yesterday about all this crap and hopefully I didn't piss her off too much, that wasn't my intention. But I think it's time for a little bluntness.

~ It's been a tradition to decorate cookies with my mom for a long time so this weekend we're gettin together to decorate gingerbread houses. My mom's so great.

~ Brother will be home soon. Then he's off to Florida for a training trip with his team. I wish I could go with him! His old coach offered me a shaparone to Barbados, too bad he was only kidding.

~ I haven't been sleeping well lately. I can sleep in my chair but I can't sleep in my bed. Odd? Yes. I've been waking up anywhere between 3:30 and 4:00 and tossing and turning until I have to get up.

~ I still haven't listened to Encore By Eminem. And with a few bits and pieces of audio I've heard I'm fairly certain there's only four good songs on that Cd. *sigh* He makes me sad even though he's happy. Or is saying he is.

~ I'm tired of 50 cent.

~ Most of the hip-hop that's out right now, I don't like. What happend?

~ I love the new Rob Thomas Cd. It's been hard not to go out and buy the ones that are on my christmas list. Anna Nalick, Nickelback, just to name a few.

~ My new obsession is Gary Dourdan from one of my favorite shows, CSI. Not only is he gorgeous, but he's gorgeous.

~ Then realizing that all the good guys are taken, I'm going to quit hoping that I'll find someone.

~ My depression came on full strength last week. So much so to the point that my mom called me and made me leave work for the day. She's worried that I may combust. I am too, but I don't want to go back on medication, I can manage it. I have been this long.

~ I wish I was successful and happy with my life.

~ I don't want my friends to think that my advice is preaching. But then again if they ask, they must trust what I'm saying. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect. I've fucked up plenty in my life. So by no means do I have all the answers, nor do I guarentee them to be the right ones.

~ I read an interesting article on my generation, Generation X, about how most of us are broke at 30. It was reassuring to know I'm not the only 30 year old that is constantly struggling.

~ I worry about my mom and my brother all the time.

~ We're making christmas cookies next Thursday.

Well, my mind is blank now. Have a good day, talk to you all later.

Ang

Come one, come all...

Aimee's throwing herself a pity party and you're all invited.

I'm in one of those "just fuck it" moods again.

I've come to the conclusion that any form of normality has become my enemy. I swear, I just can't catch a break and with all the stress, I'm more than likely flirting with a fucking ulcer. And wouldn't that be fabulous?

Anyway, I spent a good amount of time yesterday on the phone with Cameron's pediatricians office, our insurance agent, etc. trying to figure out what my new insurance company's protocal is for getting him in to see a behavioral health expert for counseling as well as trying to determine whether or not he has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (which was implied because of certain symptoms he exhibits).

And you know, I'm extremely disgusted with myself because I've known that he needs counseling for a while, long before Drew and I split up but I hesitated because I, myself, resent it, which is completely irresponsible and just fucking stupid because Cameron isn't me and I shouldn't have kept him from getting something he needs because of my resentment towards it. I mentioned recently that I felt like a fuck-up in the parenting department, well, that feeling just keeps getting bigger and bigger. But (and this in no way excuses my irrisponsibility) I could really use a little help here. I always try (to the best of my ability) not to say anything derogatory about Drew because (a) he's Cameron's father and (b) despite all of our problems with each other, I still love him but its' gotten to a point where I need him to get over whatever resentment he's still harboring about our separation and realize that I need his help. Badly.

Aside from the problems I'm having with Cameron, my (ex) sister-in-law recently made some accusations about something I'm not going to give credence to by discussing and in doing so, dragged my child smack into the middle of something he had no place in the middle of. I handled it but it burns my ass that I had to be the polite, responsible, non-confrontational adult in the situation when all I wanted to do was tear her a new asshole for attempting to use my son as a tool in her twisted vendetta. The whole thing with her makes me fucking sick and is just not something I needed thrown at me right now.

Oh and my mom informed me yesterday afternoon that the doctor told her she needs to have surgery (possibly before Christmas). She's been having some serious problems in her abdominal area so the doctor order some scans and they found something when they reviewed the results. And of all the crazy things to be concerned about, she's worried about Christmas dinner for pity's sake. Christmas dinner?!?! I don't give a blue blazin hell about Christmas dinner! But since it's important to her, I'll cook the whole damn thing myself if need be.

Well, there's more shit I could bitch about but I've already thrown myself a big enough pity party and honestly, bitching about this shit really accomplishes nothing so what's the point.

Cameron's 6th Birthday.

We didn't plan a party for Cameron this year because my mom and I are taking him to the Magic Kingdom and Epcot this weekend instead but we (Drew, Cameron, my mom, Robin, my dad, Christie, Sarah and myself) did all get together tonight to celebrate his birthday. It was fun, we went took him to a tree lighting in Delray, out to dinner at La Bamba's and then back to my moms house for presents and cake. Here's some pics I took during Cameron's favorite part of the night...


^^ Cameron and his daddy.





^^ Cameron, Sarah and Grandma

Happy Birthday Cameron!!!

He turned 6 today! He's growing up on me. Too fast.

"Our First Christmas Together"

Ah, here's a lovely picture of Christie after last nights little tree trimming party. Ain't she sweet?

I gotta tell ya, when you put them together, those lovely children (Cameron and Sarah) are like little stress inducing balls of energy. By the time the last ornament was hung, if I liked Corona, I would've had one too.

But alas, those wonderful children of ours had fun and that's what's important (I mean, who really cares if Christie and I are left with our sanity intact, anyway?).

Besides, (though this is an awful picture and we have yet to put the icicles on the tree because well, the constantly bickering kiddies needed to go night night) the tree looks good.

And what more could we ask for?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Oh, oh, oh, I’m so excited cause Christie and I took the kids to Home Depot and picked out our Christmas tree tonight. I don’t believe I’ve ever mentioned my love for Christmas trees, have I? Actually, I love everything Christmas... trees, lights, decorations, baking cookies, wrapping presents – the whole nine. It’s just my favorite holiday, EVER!


^^ See, our naked tree.

Anyway, we haven’t actually decorated it yet because I still need to get icicles (or tinsel, same thing) and a couple strands of replacement lights, but it is presently sitting (rather crookedly, I might add) in the tree stand waiting to be trimmed. YAY. Aside from getting the tree, my dad and I set out all of the inside decorations and then headed out to put up our outside Christmas lights. It looks pretty.

And I actually got up off my lazy ass and went to the mall today to do some Christmas shopping with my mom. I spent entirely too much money but we had fun. I finished Cameron, Angie, Evan, Kim, Terry, my grandparents and Sarah. I still have to get something for Drew, Cathy and Nick, but then I’m all done with the shopping part (which is a first for me as I’m typically a last minute shopper) and it’s off to slave in the kitchen (closer to Christmas, of course) because the rest of the people on my Christmas list get cookies, lots and lots of cookies.

Speaking of cookies, since Christmas is on a Sunday and I need them to be done by at least the Wednesday before, my mom and I have to sit down and figure out our "cookie baking" game plan for this year as well as exactly what cookies we’re going to do this year. We always do the funky chocolate chip cookies (Angie likes those) and the silly little peppermint kisses because everybody likes those but we add and subtract cookie and candy recipes each year to give it some variety. I found this yummy sounding cheesecake cookie recipe that I think I want to try. We’ll see.

The rest of the weekend was pretty anticlimactic. Friday, Drew and I took Cameron out to dinner and then we went to Target to get my mom a birthday present. Saturday, my mom took Cameron to Rob’s Union Christmas Party so my dad came over early and we spent the day organizing the living room. We still didn’t get to work on my new bedroom (also known as the dining room) but the living room is finally in order so I’m happy about that because all that disorganization was beginning to drive me crazy. My bedroom is next, then we head upstairs to reorganize Cameron’s room (gotta make room for birthday/Christmas gifts – out with the old, in with the new, you know), then Christie and Sarah’s room. There’s still a lot of work to be done (trying to make enough stuff for two houses fit into one is hard work) but we’re getting there. Saturday night I went to Drew’s for date night, we ordered a pizza and watched Mr. And Mrs. Smith.

And that’s all, really. I hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Happy Birthday, Mommy!!!

That's my mommy in between that gorgeous woman (my sister Christie) and that handsome man (my brother Jason) and today is her birthday. I'm hoping it's all she wants it to be and more.

Aimee

Aimee

Guess what, peeps?!? I wrote a sex scene today, a really bad sex scene but a sex scene none the less. Apparently I’m a bit rusty but I wasn’t going to let that stop me, oh no. So hold on Angie, my love, cause it’s onwards and upwards from here (I think – LOL).

Moving on... I just read an article online about a bunch of people, umm, somewhere in the northeast (Boston, I think) having a heated debate over what to call that pretty pine tree you trim with a zillion twinkling lights and all kinds of sparkly ornaments every December. So, is it a ‘Christmas Tree’ or a ‘Holiday Tree’? Now, no offense intended to anyone (honestly), but really, what’s the point in debating over something so trivial? People are going to call it whatever the hell they want to call it and debating over what’s proper or offensive to other cultures, religions, etc. isn’t going to change that. Personally, I call it a Christmas tree, I’ve always called it a Christmas tree and I’ll always call it a Christmas tree but I’m not going to launch a debate with the next person I hear call it a Holiday tree for pity’s sake. Why would I? That’s their prerogative and they’re entitled to it.

And I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not doing such a fantastic job in the mommy department. I’m fumbling badly and try as I might, I just can’t get a handle on Cameron’s behavior and God, I don’t know what to do. I’m so worn out – emotionally, mentally, physically – and no matter what I try, his attitude and his behavior gets worse. And I’ve been having some bad moments here lately where I feel like a failure in the parenting department because if I were giving him what he needs, he wouldn’t be acting out like this. I don’t know, I guess I just keep trying, you know?

Well, I’ve got a migraine, it’s past midnight, I need a shower and there’s a new Nora Roberts book sitting on the coffee table that’s begging to be read. Night.