Aimee's Entry - Calgon, Take Me Away...

Life has been extremely crazy lately. Sigh. I wish it would slow the fuck down so I can catch up.

Family drama (in which I can not talk about here) has been a bitch to deal with, work is kicking my ass consistently, I've managed to pick up another cold, because of a mix up with my last IVIG infusion - I didn't get to register Cameron for kindergarten and I still haven't scheduled appointments with my surgeon or the OB/GYN.

I'm feeling like one of the chicks in those old commercials... Calgon, take me away.

So, does anyone remember my extreme adoration for sex blogs? No? Well, I abso-fucking-lutely love them. It's the closet voyeur in me, what can I say? Anyway, I found a new one to lust over... Eros Blog ...it's different, fun, fabulous (trust me)... check it out.

Ooo Ooo Ooo... Drew has been working on this motorcycle and I have to tell you, usually when he does a job, I don't pay much attention but the things he's doing to this motorcycle fascinate me. It's a Superman thing and it's incredibly cool. I wish I could find where he stashed those pictures on the computer cause I'd post them but I'm really anxious to see this bike when he's completely finished with it. The stuff he's airbrushed on the tank and fenders so far is awesome. There's this picture of Jor-El that's bad ass. I'll have to find those pictures.

Oh, I was chatting with my sister online last night and we started talking about random things and she started telling me about something naughty she did. She, of course, made me swear not to tell a soul so, I shared my naughty dream with her. She said...

"Oooo, I love dreams like that. So, is there like a picture of him anywhere online?"

I said, "Yep." And led her in the right direction.

So, she IM's me a few minutes later with this bit of info, "Oh, he's cute but he kinda looks like Drew, just thinner..."

Nah. "You think?"

"Mmm Hmm."

And, of course, I had to go do a comparison and you know what? She's kind of got a point... there are definitely similarities. So, while I may have wet and wild dreams about a man I've never met, at least my taste in men is consistent.

Okay, well that's enough babbling for one day. Night.

Angie's Entry - I'm so F*ckin bored ! ! !

Honestly campers, I'm bored out of my mind at work these days. So this entry my ramble on a bit and I won't be the least bit offended if you stop reading it at any point!

Monday was the day from hell. Not only is Monday my payroll day, but on top of that - the hard drive on our voice mail went down. The what on your who? You may be asking. Yes, if you have a voice mail system where you work, then chances are it has a hard drive that stores all the voice mail data. Including messages, special menus for said voice mail, any and all changes you make to your voice mail. If you have people moving offices, like we do about once a freakin week, that's on there too. So when the hard drive decides to take a shit, better make sure you have a life raft to cling to right? Ahh, any smart person would. Well, if you consider yourself one of these people, like myself, that always has a backup plan, always prepared, then count us as a minority.

Apparently, according to my former boss, she had brought this up to our CFO back in December when the voice mail company came out to back things up as standard procedure at the end of every year. It was discovered at that time that we did not have a current back up, and should really think of investing in a back up in the case the hard drive fails. Our wise CFO said, nah - the voice mail data isn't "critical data".

Who's having the last laugh now?

Oh, did I fail to mention the last back up was have is from 1998?! Yes you read that correctly, 1-9-9-8!!

Well, it is critical data when in the span of three hours on Tuesday morning I have run downstairs over two dozen times to reset and change voice mail passwords, it was ridiculous. So I'm hoping that our CFO reconsiders his point of view that voice mail is not "critical data".

So did you also realize that when your hard drive goes down, you finish payroll and stay until 5 pm to send out an email to everyone to let them know how they can now access their voice mail, that 9 out of those 10 people do not possess the intelligence to read the email the entire way through? They simple read the subject line "You can get into your voice mail now", get the happies and immediately pick up the phone and start pressing buttons? I actually had someone send me an email back that said - "I'm sorry I messed up, I saw the subject line and tried to get into my voice mail before I read your email the whole way through, can you reset my password one more time?"

DUMB ASS! ! ! ! LEARN TO F*CKING READ! !

Sorry, I have a very low threshold for people who don't listen/read instructions before springing into action.

So that was my Monday.

Tuesday I got my step workout in about three hours. No one in my entire company knows how to read or follow simple nstructions. I swear it made me want to just walk out and go - ya know what? For as smart as some of you people claim to be, you sure are a bunch of idiots. My dog follows instructions better than you morons do. You live just to make me insane don't you?

*sighs*

So I texted Aaron on Monday and got no response. I texted him on Tuesday and got no response. Then I texted him on Wednesday and asked him if he was ignoring me. He finally texted me back "No. Busy. Call ya in a few" I texted him back "call me at home".

So I go to bed and of course he doesn't call. But, he does text me about 11:50 with this message: "I don't know if u see me, let me know" Now at 11:50, I've already been in bed for two hours and my brain turned off a waaaayyyyy long time ago. I send him back "huh?" and haven't heard boo since. I was so perplexed by his text, I asked Aimee if it made any sense to her and she informed me I was not crazy.

My friend Katie assured me the same thing. We all came to the conclusion that he must have been drunk, or plain ol missed a word or two. I've done the same thing. My brain says the word in my head but my fingers just don't type it for whatever reason. I texted him again yesterday and asked him if he was drunk cause it made no sense and again I haven't heard back. So do I stop textin him cause at this point he may be annoyed that I keep texting him and wait for him to get back in touch with me? *sigh* Yes.

It's now Thursday.

Tomorrow is a half day for us at my full time job. We work for five hours but get paid for a full 8. It's the companies way of giving us a longer holiday weekend. So at least I'll only have to be bored for five hours tomorrow.

Seriously, I'm so bored I can't stand it. At least when Stacy was here, she'd give me all this piddly crap that I hated to do, but it made the day pass quicker. See, another lesson in "becareful what you wish for".

We're having our 4th of July party at my cousins' this weekend. I would like Aaron to come with me, but seeing as how he's not texting me back, I guess we'll have to see. I'm sure if I do talk to him, he'll talk me into going over to his sister's place. Which is not a bad thing, but give and take love. I already did the family thing with you so it's your turn. And at this one, you don't even have to meet my mom, aunt or my brother.

Katie asked if I was going to ask Pete, but I'm fairly certain he's going to be going home over the long weekend. I can't say for sure, but he usually does. Maybe if he doesn't, he can come with me. We'll just have to see huh?

P.S. I am absolutely in love with the new Lifehouse song "You & Me". I'm not sure why but I love it. (It's playing right now.)

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

Aimee's Entry - For Sven ;)

Sven tagged us and Angie was blog surfing a couple weeks ago and found something very similar and wanted us to fill it out. So, here you go darlin'...

Aimee and Angie.

Enjoy.

And to answer Tom's question about my "dream man"... well, to save myself the embarrassment, I think I'll keep that bit of info under wraps. I've never met him and I don't know how he'd feel about being the star in my prurient dream. The only person I've shared his name with is Angie... maybe you can get her to spill the beans ;)

As for the details Evan my luv... well, I'll just say that it crashed straight through NC17 and landed somewhere in X-Rated. It was fantastic.

And Jay, you're so right. It's much, much more fun.

Aimee's Entry - BLAH!

I'm in such a pissy mood today.

I have a migraine that just won't quit, it looks like the end of the world outside and I'm tired. Blah.

BUT...

I had the most vividly erotic dream I've ever had in my life last night so that's something, eh?

The husband did not have a starring role in this dream (shameful, I know but Angie assured me that when it comes to dreaming, it's perfectly okay) but it was well, orgasmic to say the least.

I've decided that thinking about someone before you go to bed is a bad idea because once in sleep you have no control over the wicked things your dreams pull them into.

And the really odd thing is, I rarely remember my dreams and after this one, I'm thinking that's a darn shame.

Aimee's Entry

Quiz courtesy of Jason...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Angie's Entry

HAPPY PRIDE WEEKEND!!!

BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE, DON'T EVER BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT!

Angie's Entry - It's Friday

. . here in a very weather challenged Minnesota. Yesterday it was a blazin 96 degrees and that is without the humidity. I think at one point in the day I heard the heat index was up around 105. Now if you live in a dry climate, 105 degrees is no big deal, but when it's humid - it's just plain old nasty.

Today it's storming, currently, and susposed to clear up in the next few hours and then be partly cloudy and 80-something.

This week has been fairly quiet. Our new cost accountant started. They found a replacement for Stacy. He's not a controller like she was but rather an accounting supervisor. I'm hoping that I will still be "working for" Paul. Or have Tim (our CFO) as my direct boss. But we'll see. He doesn't start until the 6th of July.

Oh and I'm working the 4th. Yey. Oh well, that just means double time for me. I can crank up my radio and rock out whilest entering payroll.

Haven't heard from Aaron all week. Which is rather odd. I half expect him to text me tonight, but then again I don't. I dunno.

My mom and I are getting together tomorrow to do some shoe shopping and have lunch. It's wierd, I feel like I hardly talk to her anymore. I used to talk to her like every couple days at least. I dunno. I get lazy sometimes too. I can be very bad about picking up the phone.

Other than that, life has been pretty boring on my end.

Nicole has a softball tourney this weekend that I'm going to try and get to. I'm the official groupie! Go me! The girls on her team are really cool tho. We were sitting in the shade last night after their game and one of the girls is married, but dates men and women. It wasn't clear (to me) whether or not she's still with her husband.

Then another girl is gay and is seeing two chicks at the same time. She met them in the same bar in the same night! Scandlous! Her "husband", he's more like her Jack (as in Jack from "Will and Grace", Jack) and he's a hoot. He's been gay since forever and this is the first time he'll be going to Pride. I'm like - dude! I'm straight and I'VE been to Pride. He's just hitting the gay bars and I think I've been to more gay bars than he has! It was just something I found funny.

Their a cool group of gals. So I'm gonna try and get to a few games if I can.

I've been trying to get to together with my friend Teresa without any luck. We live 20 minutes from each other and I haven't seen her in like 2 months. It's summer - so she goes up to her cabin like every weekend. I can't pick up and go on a moments notice cause of the doggy child, so it leaves little time for us to connect. If it weren't for instant messaging, good gosh!

Well, I can't think of anything more to babble on about, so that must mean it's a good time to stop.

Have a safe and fun weekend!

Aimee's Entry - I Have Some Explaining To Do...

I promised I'd do this yesterday but life's been a bit hectic for me lately. Drama, drama, drama.

Okay, here I go... When I mentioned Drew's threesome fantasy last week some of you lovely gentlemen didn't understand his insensitivity (I thought that was extremely sweet, by the way, thank you) and if we were talking about any other woman besides myself, I'd normally agree with you but since we’re talking about me, I have to clarify some things.

Jay's comment...

... So Drew wants a 3-way with you and another woman. Congratulations, you married a man ...

was spot on about *most* men and Drew is no different. He's a normal, red-blooded, totally straight guy and like almost every normal, red-blooded, totally straight guy he has visions of threesomes dancing in his head. Two, hot, slippery women wrapped around each other while he tries to shimmy in between them. I don't fault him for it.

Why?

Well because, it's not only Drew's fantasy we're talking about here. Yes, that's right, it's just as much my fantasy as it is his. I think I've mentioned this before (maybe not here but somewhere in someone’s comments, I think) but sexually, I’m attracted to women. I've only had sex with one woman but I've been intimate with a woman on more than one occasion. So, when the subject of a threesome came up, it was something that we were both interested in. The only concern (and this was Drew's concern) was that I would have a problem with him being sexually intimate with another woman. He said that if and when this ever came to pass, he'd just watch if his participating would bother me but that wouldn't be fair, would it? Why should I get to have sex with someone else while he merely watches?

When I brought it up the other day, I didn't mean for it to sound like I was upset about it -- I wasn't. You see, the subject has been tabled for so long because although we've discussed it, finding a woman that we'd both feel comfortable enough to share the experience with isn't an easy thing so, I was just surprised when he brought it up out of the blue.

Drew can be an ass about a lot of things and a good majority of the time we don't see eye to eye on a whole mess of things but he's a good guy and he would never try to pressure me into a situation that I don't want to be in. I want to be in this one.

And since we're on the topic of Drew... Our anniversary is in 4 days.



Come on everybody, say it with me, "Awwwww..."

I'm wondering if I should get him a card or something or just leave it alone? I'm a sentimental sap and he's not. Hell, he usually doesn't even remember unless I mention it. So, what do you think?

The Difference Between Boys and Girls...

I know I've been remiss and I'm sorry. I still have to address the comments regarding my last entry (as much as I would like to let Drew take all those punches for the threesome thing, I can't) but not today... tomorrow - I promise...

Today I'll leave you with a tale about the difference between boys and girls...

Last night after Cameron's bath, I was drying him off and he started to smack his penis. Ouch.

I said, "Hey, stop that, be nice to it?"

Another smack, "Why?"

Sigh. "Because it's yours and it isn't going anywhere besides, it'll be your friend one day."

"Why?"

Again with the why's... sheesh... not going there... "Because!! Now stop it."

"Why?"

"Cameron, we've already been over this, okay?"

He proceeded to pout, "But I don't like it."

Well hell... "It doesn't matter whether you like it or not sweetie, everyone has a pee pee."

He puffed up his chest with righteous indignation, "Nuh uh. You don't."

God. "Yes, I do Cameron."

He points an accusing finger at my pajama clad crotch, "No, you don't."

Oh, for pity's sake... "Yes honey, I do. You know that boys and girls pee pee's don't look the same."

The lightbulb started glowing over his head, "Why? Cause yours is tucked in."

And that boys and girls is probably the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard. God help me.

Angie’s Entry – I could be turning into quite the slut!

No, just kidding. Well maybe?

So Friday after work I had my nails done, went tanning and got a text message from Aaron. I told him I was having my nails done, he asked if he could too, I told him – whatever makes you happy and he comes back with – U do. Aaawwwww! Is that not sweet or what?

So my friend Katie, her friend Angela knows this guy she works with who started a part time job at a club downtown Minneapolis and said – come on down and bring friends. So seven of us went down to this club. Now normally I don’t hang out downtown. One is because there is a smoking ban in that county. You have to go outside to smoke. But hey, free cover? Have a few drinks and hang out? Ok.

Well I started the night out good. I had a beer, well that just was not covering it, so the Captain called me out to play. And play I did! The drinks there were $5 a piece, but after the first one, you could barely tell they were almost double shots when I was paying for a single. I don’t clearly remember how many I had, Katie paid for 3 I think. I know I paid for two for sure.

So then I get this great idea to call Pete. He hangs out downtown, maybe he’s around.

Besides the fact that I’m drunk now and lookin to hook up. Aaron – Pete who ever. I knew what to expect with Pete, we did the whole friends with benefits thing for like two years. And if Aaron didn’t make a move soon, I was going to. Damnit.

I discussed, at length with Angela what or whom to do. Did I go with feelings (Aaron) or go with physical (Pete). But there could be feelings with Pete too. There were once, and I’ve thought Pete is a total sweetheart. We just happened at the wrong time.

So, I’m texting the two of them back and forth and we all decide to leave. I’m drunk and I want to see Aaron and he wants to see me and since Katie drove from her house, I could sober up a little bit on the way back to her house before I get behind the wheel of my car. Yeah right. Good theory!

So Between calling Aaron and Pete and trying hard to remember which one I was calling, the three girls laughing at me and being drunk, it was a fun ride home.

Well I ended up wanting to go see Aaron, he didn’t want me to drive and I told him Katie was going to follow me. So she did and I got to Aaron’s around 2:30. I think.

In hindsight I shouldn’t have driven, but I’m a seasoned professional.

He had some peeps over so I said hi, had a quick smoke and decided it was time for this chick to hit the sack.

I crawled into his bed, and rested for a few minutes. I told him it was time to cuddle and he promised me he’d get rid of his company asap. Well, while he kept one eye on me and talked to his guests, I called Katie to make sure she had gotten back home ok. Aaron pokes his head around the corner and is like – “are you on the phone?”
“Yes. Why?”
”How the hell did you find your phone?”
”I maybe drunk but I’m not that drunk.”

So I finished my conversation with Katie and laid back down. Well no more than a few seconds later and my phone is ringing again. This time it’s Pete.

It’s a little after 3 and Aaron is standing in the hallway, one eye on me and one on his guests.
So I talk to Pete for a few minutes, trying not to let on that it’s a guy I’m talking to. And of course when I end my conversation with him, I call him babe. Oops.

Well, I’m finally tired now and demanding that Aaron come lay down with me. I tell him I’m very demanding tonight and he agrees, while laughing.

His guests finally leave and he tries to crawl up behind me to pinch the inside of my leg. Well, give me SOME credit. I turn over and tell him to be nice.

Well, he lays down with me and when I’m drunk, I like to cuddle. So I curl up against his side and he laughs cause he can’t remember the last time he saw me after a few drinks. And one thing led to another.

Sorry to totally burst your bubble campers, we didn’t quite go that far. But suffice to say, there was a lot of kissing, touching and removal of clothing. There was talking too. Like why the fuck hadn’t we done this years ago?! Even without the sex, it was nice. Very nice.

So we finally fall asleep around 6, his pretty kitty cat, Lucky, curled up next to me. I open my eyes like five minutes later and it’s 8:28.

Did I mention that I have to meet my family for breakfast at 9 for my cousin’s birthday?! Oh yes! So I crawl over him, I gotta go. I have 25 minutes to drive back to my house. I’m sorry babe, I gotta bail.

Luckily, and with some protest from Aaron, I had redressed before I fell asleep.

I did notice that on my drive home, I was still feeling drunk.

But of course I get to the restaurant and I’m the first one there, right on time at 9 sharp. And here I was worried that I’d be the last one there. I did tell everyone, well my mom and cousin that my Rock Star personality came out the night before and I hoped I didn’t look like I only had two hours of sleep. They assured me I didn’t. Whew.

Although I will say, eating helped a ton. I love to eat when I’m feeling hung-over. I only had a headache for all the Captain I had ingested. So I consider myself lucky.

I got home around 11, washed the sink full of dishes that had been staring at me all week, changed my clothes and laid down on the couch. Aaron wanted me to go to the car show with him and his sister and I told him no way. I needed to sleep.

I laid on the couch and took a cat nap for about two hours while watching Friends on DVD. Pete called and texted me. He was wondering if I was at work. Then he left a voice mail to call him.

I didn’t. I called Katie around 5 and she assured me that I was not doing anything wrong with either Aaron or Pete cause it has not been discussed in terms of what we are to each other. Any of us. Which is true but I would certainly and I am most definitely not the kind of person who would knowingly hurt someone else. Especially someone I care about especially Aaron.
She also assured me that me 'babe' slip was no biggie. Cause most of the girls that I know, especially me and Katie call each other honey, babe, sweeteheart etc. So I was in the clear.

I didn’t go anywhere on Saturday night. I laid on the couch, made some dinner and just relaxed. My headache was gone by the time I called Katie and I felt a million times better even if I only had gotten a cat nap. Sunday I was awake by 8:30. So I got up, took an extra long shower and made myself breakfast. I took the dog out and played catch with her for a while. Then we sat down, read the paper and smoked a cigarette.

We vacuumed and did some laundry. We gathered the garbage to be put out this morning.

Pete texted me around 8, about five seconds after I texted Aaron (Just wanted to say hi cuz I’m thinking about u). He texted me back, me too. Awww, isn’t he just so sweet? He is.

Pete asked if I could send and receive text messages, I told him yes and asked what he was doing. He said, nothing, so now I can send you sweet nothings as much as I want? Yup, you sure can.

So that was my weekend.

I had my nails painted a really pretty color and the top coat is a silver glitter. Pretty!

Hope you all had a good weekend. I think I caught up on everyone’s blogs. Even though I don’t leave comments, I am reading them! I promise! !

Aimee's Entry - Out of the Mouths of Babes (Pt 2) and Drew's Fantasy (Revisited)...

Drew and I were having this convoluted conversation about sex in the car on the way home from work the other day. We were, of course, having it in whispers because of the innocent ears happily riding in the back seat. Well...

Drew whispered, "How was I supposed to know you wanted to have sex? You didn't come to bed in sexy panties or anything?"

I rolled my eyes and whispered back, "I was naked for God's sake."

He snorted and said a bit too loudly, "So? You're always naked in bed."

And my sweet, innocent child started giggling.

So, I turn around and arch my brow at him, "What's so funny?"

"You. Naked." ... more giggling.

"And what's funny about that?"

No answer, just giggling so I turn an evil eye on Drew and the bastard starts laughing too. Well, now I'm a bit peeved so I sit back and contemplate pouting. But that lovely child of mine (did I mention how sweet and innocent he is?) blurted out, "I've seen you naked in the bed with daddy before!"

Oh. My. God. Please, please, please tell me he didn't see anything ummm... well, you know... "Oh. Really? Hmm."

"Yes, I came in to wake daddy cause I wanted to play Tony Hawk and you were sleeping naked."

Whoo. Thank God. "Oh. Okay." Crisis averted until...

"Pretty impressive -- for a girl?"

Huh? Excuse me? Come again? My Lord... Impressive? Where the hell did he learn that big word and how in the hell does he know what it means? For a girl? Just how many girls have you seen naked Cameron?

What am I supposed to say?? Umm... "Thank you Cameron."

"Yes, you looked very nice."

God help me... I almost choked on a Cheeto.

"I liked it."

And then Drew blurted out the most illogical thing I think I've ever heard him say, "Stop telling your mom she looks good naked."

Cameron snickerd, I tried not laugh and Drew glared.

That child is 5 years old and sometimes I hold my breath because you just never know what's going to come out of his mouth next.

Speaking of Cameron...



Ain't he cute?

While we're talking about nakedness...

Last night, out of the fucking blue Drew asked, "What would you do if I brought a woman home?"

Here we go again... "Excuse me?"

"Aimee... you know what I'm asking."

Of course I did but for pity's sake he could've given me a little warning before he put me on front street.

"Well??"

"Is this a rhetorical question Drew? Do you have someone in mind or something?"

"No..."

Liar. Liar. Liar.

And then he blurted out, "You'd have to do some of the work, ya know."

Well DUH. What? Did he think I was just going to sit back and watch? Not bloody likely.

I swear, sometimes that man says the most asinine things.

Oh well, it's about quitting time for me. So, I'll catch y'all later.

Aimee's Entry - Angie's Tag ;)

10 Years Ago, I...

1. Was 19 years old
2. Was almost a year out of high school and still struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
3. Ended a long and unhealthy relationship that left a number of emotional scars and not a lot of good memories.
4. Was working three "minmum wage" jobs in crazy shifts that didn't allow for much sleep or anything esle.
5. Met Drew when we started working together at Publix and the flirtation which led to love, marriage and family began.

5 Years Ago, I...

1. Was 24 years old.
2. Was a newlywed.
3. Was a new mommy.
4. Was only working one job and we were struggling to make it while Drew pursued his art career.
5. We had a big, beautiful wedding and reception to make-up for the shot-gun wedding we had when I was 3 months pregnant.

Yesterday, I...

1. Had a very emotional conversation with my mother about something that has plagued our family for too many years to count. It was hard and heartwrenching but oh so necessary.
2. Scavenged every drugstore in Coral Springs to find blue hair color for Cameron for "Crazy Hair Day".
3. Shared a fun, funny, happy, easy moment with Drew. It's been a long time.
4. Took the two men in my life out to Buffalo's and had a nice relaxing dinner together (Cameron didn't even crawl all over and under the booth like an animal).
5. Got laid - FINALLY.

Today, I...

1. Giggled like a schoolgirl while Drew teased, fluffed and primped Cameron's electric blue hair.
2. Bought two coffees at Dunkin Donuts instead of one (sinful).
3. Will bust my ass at work because it's Thursday - payroll day.
4. Am determined to start the new book I bought.
5. Am going to attack Drew... it was so much fun last night, why not do it again?

Tomorrow, I will...

1. Try to explain to Cameron why Grandma can't pick him up like she does every Friday. I don't look forward to it, he's a creature of habit.
2. Try to look busy at work, even tho I'm not (yeah... me too)!!
3. Try not to do my happy dance because it's fucking Friday - Yee Haw!!
4. Write Angie a letter because it's been ages since I've written her a letter (right after her trip to Hawaii, I think) and I have some things I need to share with someone I love and respect.
5. Try to figure out what the heck I'm going to do to celebrate Father's Day.

5 Snacks I Enjoy:

1. Cheetos.
2. Snickers.
3. Cinnamon Crisps.
4. Whatever that was Angie sent me for Christmas with the caramel and nuts and YUM. I've been lusting for it for weeks.
5. Giardelli brownies.

5 Songs I Know all the Words to, Even Without the Music (there's a ton but here's 5):

1. Renegade - Jay Z/Eminem
2. Candy Shop - 50 Cent
3. Hate it or Love it - 50 Cent/Game
4. Rock Bottom - Eminem
5. Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith

5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000.00:

1. Send my Papaw back to Kentucky in style. He wants to go back for a visit and they can't afford it... he deserves to go wherever he wants.
2. Buy a few (+1) houses... Mom, Dad, Christie, Us...
3. Buy that bloody Escalade that I lust after and we currently can't afford.
4. Start the business that I've always wanted to start but never had the balls to.
5. Put Cameron through college or anything else he wants to do.

Top 5 Locations I'd Like to Run Away To:

1. Hawaii
2. Scotland
3. Paris
4. Italy
5. Any where it snows (but not too much). I have a hankerin' to see snow.

5 Bad Habits I Have:

1. Smoking
2. Passiveness
3. Being a bloody doormat
4. Being overcritical of myself.
5. Being too much of a pussy to stand up for myself until I get it gets to the point of explosion (and then I get ugly)

5 Things I like Doing:

1. Surfing the net
2. Writing
3. Reading
4. Hanging with my mom and Christie-
5. Sleeping (I frickin' LOVE to sleep)

5 Things I Would Never Wear:

1. Spandex
2. Fluorescent colored clothes
3. Leg warmers
4. Crotch cutters (ouch)
5. Bell bottoms

5 T.V. Shows I Like:

1. House
2. Law and Order : SVU
3. Six Feet Under
4. Soprano's
5. Carnivale

5 Movies I Like:

1. Gladiator
2. Ocean's Eleven & Twelve
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
5. Kill Bill (1 &2)

5 Famous People I'd like to Meet:

1. Eminem
2. Hugh Laurie
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Steven Tyler
5. Jenna Jameson

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:

1. My mom is taking me to Disney for three glorious days in August for my 30th birthday.
2. We're going to see Eminem and the rest of the S/A crew in August for my birthday.
3. Drew and I are communicating with each other.
4. My baby (Cameron) is going to kindergarten in August.
5. I finally got rid of the cold that refused to go away for almost 4 months and I can breathe again (not to mention I once again sound human).

And there you have it...

Angie's Entry - I'm bored

I saw this while I was reading Jerzee Girl's blog and I thought it was a cool tag thinger ma jobber. (and jerzee borrowed it from bibsy, so thank you to both of you!))

10 Years Ago, I...
1. Was 20 years old
2. Just finished my second year in college
3. Got my cat and named him after my favorite beverage at the time - Whisky (thanks Jack!)
4. Was working a third shift job for the summer
5. I couldn't wait to move out

5 Years Ago, I...
1. Was 25 years old
2. Was living back with my mom
3. Couldn't see myself ever being with another guy
4. Hated my life
5. Had no motivation

Yesterday, I...
1. Went for a walk
2. Ordered pizza -yum!
3. Told my dog I love her
4. Listened to it rain
5. Hoped the guy I like would call

Today, I..
1. Left for work late, but not too late.
2. Found this neat quiz thing
3. Will hand out paychecks at work
4. Paid my house payment
5. Stood my ground with a vendor that called and tried to talk me out of a return

Tomorrow, I will...
1. Go tanning again, gotta keep that Jlo glow I have working for me
2. Try to look busy at work, even tho I'm not
3. Try to smile even when people annoy me
4. Be thankful for the great people I have in my life
5. Hope the guy I like calls me! (LOL)

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
1. Cheez-its
2. Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream
3. Anything chocolate - Godiva truffles are at the top of the list!
4. Doritos - Nacho cheese
5. Triscuits

5 Songs I Know all the Words to, Even Without the Music: (I could have made this list so much longer, but I didn't!)
1. Copacabana - Barry Manilow
2. More than words - Extreme (Don't ask)
3. Back 2 Good - Matchbox 20
4. In Da Club - 50 Cent
5. Without Me - Eminem

5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000.00:
1. Buy a house for myself, my mom and my brother
2. Buy my two dream cars : Fully loaded Chevrolet Z71, extended cab, Black and have my 98 Grand Prix pimped by Xzibit and the guys at West Coast Customs!
3. Take a group of friends to Hawai'i for a few weeks to stay at my new beach house with a cabana boy or ten!
4. Set my whole family up for the rest of their lives
5. NOT dress my dog up in silly dog clothes

Top 5 Locations I'd Like to Run Away To:
1. Oahu, Hawai'i
2. The Carribean
3. Greece
4. Italy
5. Any where warm

5 Bad Habits I Have:
1. Smoking
2. Holding things in too long
3. Being too nice
4. Being too much of a bitch other times
5. Over thinking

5 Things I like Doing:
1. Hanging out with friends
2. Watching TV
3. Reading
4. Listening to music
5. Laughing at my dog

5 Things I Would Never Wear:
1. A clown suit or any costume
2. Fluorescent colored clothes
3. The color pink
4. A tube top
5. Spandex in public

5 T.V. Shows I Like:
1. CSI (any of them)
2. Law and Order : SVU (mostly)
3. World Poker Tour
4. Friends
5. Will & Grace

5 Movies I Like:
1. Gladiator
2. Ocean's Eleven
3. When A Man Loves A Woman
4. The Usual Suspects
5. Twister

5 Famous People I'd like to Meet:
1. Eminem
2. Tommy Lee
3. Nikki Sixx
4. Gary Dourdan (Warrick Brown from CSI, The Original)
5. Jenna Jameson

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1. My car is running with no major problems! (knock on wood)
2. My dog is always excited to see me come home
3. I'm losing weight by walking a few times a week
4. I'm going to see Motley Crue in August
5. Things seem to be going ok, for now

Tag you're it!

Aimee's Entry - Not Guilty? *rolls eyes* And God, I need to Get Some...

The word of the day appears to be "Not Guilty", although, I believe the more apt word would be "bullshit". Not guilty? Not-Motherfuckin'-Guilty? What's with that? Is it just me?? Am I the only one on the planet who thought the whack-job was guilty? I mean sure, it's MJ... 'King of Pop', master behind hits like, "Thriller", "Beat it" and "Billie Jean" (the list goes on), hell, I used to love him too but I'm sorry, I think the man is guilty as sin. Guilty, guilty, guilty.

And that's all I have to say about that.

God, today just dragged and dragged. Work wasn't too terribly busy and I was sportin' a rather painful migraine for a good part of the day (I can still feel it pushing mercilessly at my temples - OUCH). The ride home was anti-climatic, ya know? Same ole, same ole. I remember a couple months ago when there was a police chase on the Sawgrass Expressway and I got caught up when they had to stop traffic because the dumb fucker kept ramming into random cars until he finally spun out and landed in the grassy median. I bitched the whole time because I was stuck in traffic and Cameron was in the backseat whining because he couldn't see what was going on but ya know what? As much as I bitched, it added a bit of variety to my otherwise monotonous drive home. Variety is the spice of life, without it life can be a bit dull. I'm feeling dull today.

Let's see... tonight instead of sitting my lazy ass in front of this computer all night, I've promised Drew that we'll watch 'Troy' together. We got the movie a couple months ago and have yet to watch it so, there ya go, that's what I'll be doing shortly. We still have others to watch, such as 'Ray' which was highly recommended by Jacky and Collateral. There are others but I can't think of them right now. I also bought a new book, 'Kiss Me While I Sleep" by Linda Howard. I typically love her books, she's a wonderful writer but I didn't enjoy her last one. It was written in First Person from the heroines POV and it just didn't work for me. Hopefully this one will be better.

And maybe, just maybe if there's a nice amount of cuddling going on during the movie I might actually get laid. I *SO* want to get laid. Cross your fingers, do a little dance, make a little noise. Cause I need to get me some. BAD.

Okay, well, that's it for me. Nothing exciting shaking over here. Talk to y'all later.

Night.

Angie's Entry - You guys make me laugh!

Thank you for all of your colorful responses to my messed up dream last week.

Evan - I think you're right, my subconscious is seriously messin with me just cause it's fun.

Rod - It does help, thanks!

Sven - Ah! The psychologist has arrived! In the house, I definately felt in control. Of course grapsing a .45 caliber chrome Desert Eagle could have had something to do with it. (I've actually shot that particular gun before and even tho it weighs a ton, it's a niiiiice gun.) The house definately signifies my home. My domain.

Tom - I had a grilled cheese sandwich. Cracked (ha!) wheat bread with marble jack cheese.

Jay - that's um . . .quite the interesting observation. I'll make sure and keep that in mind. LOL

So the weekend is over, back to work I go. Yuck.

I did type out a little letter to my boss on Friday before I left. I had to. I couldn't let her leave and not thank her for her time and patience over the past 5 years. I had to stop myself from crying while I was reading it over.
I poked my head in her office to say bye and she came over and gave me a big hug. She thanked me for everything and put the note in her bag so she could read it later. I left work feeling sad.

Friday I hung out with Jason and Katie at their house Pete (not my Pete)(I've known this particular Pete for like 12 years. He's just a friend, no matter what HE says!) and his wife Tammy and their two kids came over and we all kinda hung out. I got home around 9:30.

Saturday, I slept late, sort of. I never sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time.

Katie's brother Cory turned 30 on the 5th of June, so he had a party at his house. I picked Jason up and we got there around 5:30. Oh, Jason is Katie's finacee and my ex's twin brother. But they look nothing alike. Jim is blonde, blue eyes and about 6 foot 1. Jason has dark brown hair he's about 5 foot 11 and is a good guy. Katie was already at Cory's so J called and asked if I'd pick him up. Of course, I hate walking into a group of strangers by myself.

Katie's friend Angela was there and we get along like two peas in a pod, we insist it's in the name. She's freakin hysterical. It was nice to hang outside, have a couple cocktails, eat some good food and chit-chat.

I hadn't heard from Aaron since Wednesday night so I texted him hoping I'd get to see him, but when he got back to me, I had just pulled into my garage.

He said he had some shit going on, sorry he hadn't called. I told him it was ok and asked if everything was ok. He still hasn't gotten back to me. So I'm concerned, but I don't want to bother him if he's got shit going on. Ya know? It's that line between showing concern and being a nuseance. So maybe I'll send him a quick hi message and see what happens.

I just got an email from my mom. Brother is taking a assistant coaching job out in South Dakota. Vermillion to be specific. He's not real happy about being so far away. St Cloud is only about 45 minutes from me. So! But he's got a job after summer. The head coach is a guy he went to Stevens Point with and has been wanting him to come out there for some time now. *Sigh* as if I don't see little of my brother the way it is now. But I'm happy for him, if he's happy.

What else?

Not much. Sunday I sat around and did nothing. I watched TV. Nothing exciting.

Aiight kids and campers, back to work I go.

Talk to ya later!

Aimee's Entry - I did it but...

Well, I did it. Last night, I highlighted my hair. The bad news is... Drew absolutely refused to agree to any colorful highlights - he said, "Absolutely not! Why the hell would you want to fuck with your hair like that? Have you lost your mind? If you wanna do something crazy put in some darker blonde streaks or something but no color." (gosh, he's so blah). So, sigh, I went ahead and went with the lighter blonde highlights. It looks okay, I suppose, but I wanted something with a bit more oomph. Oh well.

Gosh, Cameron's graduation on Friday was just SO adorible. They all looked so sweet in their little cap and gowns. They did this cute little skit, sang some songs and then their teacher handed out awards and diploma's. Cameron got the, "Math Whiz" award (which surprised us all). As soon as Drew e-mails me the pictures, I'll post one.

I didn't have to go back to work Friday after the graduation (the shop was closed because of the weather) so I just came home and chatted with Angie online (YAY) until it was time to get ready to go out. We met my mom and Robin at The Yucatan (Cameron's favorite Mexican restaurant) and after we ate, we headed to the movies. Cameron had a blast, he absolutely LOVED the movie. It was a really nice night.

Oh. My. God. Yesterday I was really wishing I had a digital camera. I had to drop Drew off at work and I took the Sawgrass back home because it's quicker and I swear once I got off and started heading south on Coral Ridge it looked like I was driving into hell. Literally. It was a bit after 1:00 PM and it looked dark as night in Coral Springs. Scary. I hate when it gets all dark and ugly like that.

Well, I spent the rest of the day with my momma. It's been forever since I've spent some time alone with her, it was cool. We went to Chili's for lunch and I ordered the yummiest mixed drink (I got carded, I never get carded anymore... it was fucking awesome!!!). I believe it was called a 'Caribbean Sunsplash' (Bicardi O, Grand Mariner, orange juice, mango juice and grenadine) and Lord, it was delicious. After lunch she took Cameron swimming and I headed home for a bit to spend a few with Drew and when I went back to pick up Cameron she did my hair for me. We had a blast.

Today was a LAZY day... I didn't do a fucking thing. Zip, zilch, zero. I slept until after 1 and after I managed to drag my tired ass downstairs, I just planted myself on the couch and proceeded to veg out. I know, I know... it's awful but heck, being awful felt awful good ;)

Well, that's it for my weekend. Boring, boring, boring.

Chat with y'all later!

Night.

Angie's Entry - Caution Extreme Weirdness Ahead

Are there any dream interpreters out there? Cause boy do I have an odd one for you!

For basically the past ten years or so, I don't sleep the entire night through. I wake up, wide awake at least a half a dozen times a night. I'm used to it now, so that's not the weird part.

Here's the dream I had that literally shook me awake this morning.

I parked my car at the beginning of the curve to my association. Turned it off, got out and walked the half block to my house. I walked up the sidewalk, pulled open the screen door and noticed that my other door was slightly open. My dog wasn't barking like she usually does when she hears me. I set my bag and purse down on the floor, and a gun materializes in my right hand. I close the front door behind me and shoo the dog into her kennel.

I start walking around my house, gun poised in both hands. I check the front closet, the downstairs bathroom and announce "I've got a desert eagle in my hands so come on out."

Then we skip forward to where I'm lying in bed on my left side and I feel someone in my bedroom moving around. This person, who's face I can't see sits down behind me, his right hand traps me under my blankets. I open my eyes and turn my head slowly to him. I can't make out his face and his voice is not recognizable to me.

He leans over me, draping himself on me and says "you can do whatever you want to me."

At this point, there's storms moving over my house and I literally jump myself awake. It felt so real. I looked at the clock and it was 4:25 am. I stayed off and on awake until I had to get up at 5:30 for work. I love thunderstorms so when it's storming out, I tend to be a very light sleeper.

So any thoughts anyone?

How's that for twisted? Just nod an d smile at the crazy lady, back away slowly. Slowly now. No sudden movements, you don't want to disturb her anymore than she already is.

LOL

Today is my boss's last day. I was just thinking that I've worked with her for five years. I wanted to stop and pick up a card for her last night, but I ran out of time. I don't know that a hallmark card would express to her how much I'm going to miss working for her and how much I hope this new job brings her happiness and fulfillment many times over. She's been so very patient with me. Helping me, teaching me more about accounting than I ever wanted to know. Giving me countless opportunities to learn from her.

Today is gonna be sad. I'm already starting to feel sad.

So far there aren't any plans for the weekend. I may be heading up to my cousin's to visit with my niece's (one who's my mini-me) and nephew. Then my friend Katie, he brother's b-day was last week and he's having party at his place Saturday night. So I'm gonna stop by there for a bit. Katie told me to bring Aaron, or Pete, who ever I wanted to. LOL

Have a super weekend everyone! I'll fill you in on all the details of my weekend on Monday!

Aimee's Entry - It's still gloomy 'round here...

It's so blah outside. Cloudy and rainy. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Last night I read the predictions for the 2005 Hurricane Season and it didn't look pretty. If it's at all like last year, I'm seriously going to consider moving north (I could always go back to Kentucky but I figure Drew would probably die a slow and agonizing death, he's a city boy, ya know). That last hurricane (Jeanne) scared the bloody hell out of me, I think I was on the verge of crawling under the bed somewhere in the middle of that one. Ah well...



Well, all in all, it's been a pretty shitty week and I'm ready for it to be over and done with. The petty bullshit that happened the other day is still clawing at me but I talked it through with Angie yesterday and it helped a lot, as did all of you! Thank you SO much! I couldn't possibly put into words how much your lovin' helped me get past the hurt.

And here's something cute and cheerful... Cameron is graduating from pre-school tomorrow. They're having this little graduation ceremony in the morning and then after work we're taking him to see 'The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl' and then out to dinner. I can't believe he's going to be in kindergarten next year. Where the hell have all the years gone??? And God, I'm getting old.

Oh and I've decided that I hate the color of my hair. So, I'm going to fuck around with it.



^^^ See, the color is UGLY and just BLAH!!! Yes, I know, it's a hideous picture but well, what can I do? That's me. And before anyone starts talking about my "big-hair" (hee hee), it's not my fault that it's curly and crazy and has a mind of it's own. Plus, it's in a pony tail so it's supposed to be all weird and puffy like that. Anyhow, I bought this stuff to highlight it and Drew is going to play hairdresser this weekend. Fun Times.

Well, I'm going to run along now because I really don't have anything interesting to say, I'm just babbling.

OH - WAIT!! I almost forgot... there have been a couple people that have contacted me through our site e-mail and on IM asking if we've quit writing. And the answer is - No, we haven't BUT (there's always a but) I believe we're both having a bit of a dry spell at the moment. We started something together and when it got to the sex part we both kind of froze up. Sex is not our friend these days, it's decided it doesn't like us. So, ya know...

And hey, we'd like to give some love to the few peeps that have taken the time to leave some feedback. I was beginning to think that nobody really cared anymore because NO ONE ever signs that bloody guest book (except Tine and Sky) that I fought a war to put up. So, thanks, it means a lot!

And that's all for me folks. Night.

Angie's Entry - Aimee tagged me

so here goes.

I pursued my books yesterday in preparation for this tag and I forgot how many good books I have.

How many books do you own?

Looking at my book shelf yesterday? I'd have to guess around 175? In my lifetime I'm sure I've owned more.

The last book you bought?

Imitation in Death by JD Robb. Which is Aimee's fault. She bought me the first book for my birthday and someone here at work brings in their old books so we can have them and I picked this up. So technically I didn't buy it. Hm. Ok, the last book I bought was before I went to Hawai'i, I bought two. Tommyland - the biography of Tommy Lee. (whom, for the record I am also madly in love with)(besides Eminem) and a book Anthony Bozza wrote about Eminem. The name of it escapes me at the moment. Sorry.

The last book I read?

Seeing as six of the books I have on my bookshelf need to cracked open and read? I'm currently in the middle of reading Imitation in Death.

Five books that mean a lot to me?

Whew. This one is kinda hard, but I'll give it a go.

1) Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel. This book spoke to me from the first moment I read it and it still speaks to me now after so many years. If you've ever been diagnosed with depression, this book is like a freakin epiphany. While Elizabeth is on the extreme end of the depression spectrum, I can relate to 75% of the things she wrote about. I absolutely love this book. Love.

2) I have three books for #2. Mindhunter, The Anatomy of a Motive and Obsession by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker. When I saw Silence of the Lambs a million years ago, that's when I decided that I wanted to go into Law Enforcement/Psychology. I wanted to be a profiler for the FBI. I wanted to be Clarise Starling. I wrote a letter when I was in college to the director of the profiling unit in Quantico, Virginia and got a letter and a booklet back!

3) Alienist by Caleb Carr. I love the murder/suspense/mystery books. I'm totally hooked on hunting serial killers. This one is set back in the day, I believe the early 1900's. I haven't read this book in quite some time, but when I ran my fingers over it last night, I was reminded how fantastic that book was.

4) Voices in Black and White, contributing authors include: Mark Twain, Ralph Ellison, James Baldwin, William Faulkner, Maya Angelou & Shelby Steele. This was a required reading book for an English class I took in my freshman year at St. Thomas. Most of us sell back our textbooks after the semester is over, but I found myself hanging onto quite a few. This one inparticular. Because I do come from a mixed background (my brothers dad is black and he's been around since I was a small child. He and my mom have known each other since highschool, but I digress), the stories and commentary moved me. It's writings on Race in America.

5) I can't think of a number 5.

I have to go find some breakfast now. I'l try and blog later about something more intersting! LOL

Ta!

Aimee - Tag, we're it (again :P)!

The wonderfully mysterious Sven has book tagged us and since I'm rather sad today, it's a good distraction. Thanks Sven *hugs*.

Now, this is the 2nd go round on the book tag for A&A but Angie conveniently skipped the last one. Not this time my love or I'm headed up to MN to dole out some punishment!! (wait... that might be fun...)

How many books do I own?

(I did a rough count after the last tag - I know, I know... I'm such a dork!!) Over the whole of my life, I've owned well over a thousand but through time and circumstance that number has dwindled down to just over 200.

The last book I bought?

Saturday morning I bought 'Black Rose' by Nora Roberts. It's the 2nd book in NR's "Garden Trilogy". The first book in the trilogy was 'Blue Dahlia' and I HIGHLY recommend it. As a matter of fact, I highly recommend any Nora Roberts/J.D. Robb book you can get your hands on.

The last book I read?

'Black Rose' by Nora Roberts. Bought it Saturday, finished it Sunday. Before that, it was 'The Innocent' by Harlan Coben which I had trouble getting into but ended up being a phenominal read. Now I'm toying with reading 'The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty' by A.N. Roquelaure, it's the first in an Erotic trilogy about Sleeping Beauty. But I think I might actually finish 'How to Write a Dirty Story' by Susie Bright first because my writing has taken some serious hits lately and the erotic scenes are the ones getting hit hardest. I need me some help y'all.

Five books that mean a lot to me?

This was a hard question the first time around and it's not any easier this time. There are so MANY books that mean something to me on so many different levels.

1. Chicken Soup for the Parent's Soul - My mother-in-law bought this book for me when Cameron was tiny. I giggled when she gave it to me because I thought it was silly but when I took the time to sit down and read it, I felt my emotions being pulled in so many directions. I went from laughter to tears. It was exceptional.

2. Skin Deep by Nora Roberts - If you're a Nora fan you kow that while this is a very good book, it's not her best BUT, it happens to be the first Nora book that I read and I'll treasure it always because it opened me up to the beauty that is Nora Roberts.

3. Naked In Death by J.D. Robb - ^^^ Ditto (just insert J.D Robb)

4. The Joy of Writing Sex: A Guide for Fiction Writers by Elizabeth Benedict - I write, at this point it's only a hobby but it's a very passionate hobby and although I was once dubbed "The Queen of Sex Scenes" I always aim to improve because honestly, writing sex is much, much harder than you think.

5. Life on the Edge by Dr. James Dobson - My mother bought me this book to try and guide me through those crazy teenage years but in my early 20's when I found out I was sick, this book was comforting to me in some odd way. I'm not religious and the author is but I related to this book during some very dark times in my life.

Tag now You are it...

Well heck, Paul already tagged the lovely gentlemen that I would have chosen so once again, it's an "open call" on this one...

Aimee's Entry - I Need a Hug...

I'm depressed.

Hurt. Sad. Angry. Tired. God, I'm so fucking tired. I believe that I need to indulge in a good cry. Maybe I will later.

I had a bad day today. Really bad. I found out some shit that went on behind my back and it felt like a kick in the teeth. And the hardest part for me is that it was by two people that I care a whole lot about. It hurts a whole hell of a lot and I want to talk about it. I think I need to talk about it but I'm so raw right now that I can't, ya know?

And I need some love but Drew thinks I should just shrug it off. He has that whole "Fuck it, who needs them" attitude so he's not being too supportive. But I can't just say "Fuck it" dammit, I can't, I care about these people.

God, I need a hug.

Angie's Entry - It was a long weekend,

not that I'm complaining. By any means.

We had a potluck here at work on Friday and it was really good. Paul and I came up with it and everyone loved it. So now we're trying to think of the next one. Maybe a big salad potluck. Since the weather is warmer.

Friday night, I went walking with Katie, then headed home. I hadn't heard from Aaron, and I wasn't gonna sit around and wait for him to call. My cousin called and asked me to go up to her house and play No limit Texas Hold 'em. My brother was coming down too, so off I went!

Aaron called me around 8. He broke his phone on Tuesday night and couldn't get my number out of it.

So I played one game of poker, then headed down to meet him at the bar. We stayed at the bar for a while, then headed over to a friend of his house for a bonfire. Stayed there until 5 or so, went back to his place and curled up together. He rubbed my back and I swear it felt soooo good. He has big hands, slightly rough from some manual labor and it was so relaxing. I love backrubs. Absolutely love them!

He told me I make him flustered.

I think that's a good thing. Sort of. LOL

Saturday I had a dance recital for my niece to go to, I left around 10:30 am. My niece is mini-me. Honest. People mistake us all the time for mother and daughter. The only difference is she has blue eyes and mine are brown. I'll try and get a picture of us on the 4th of July and post it so you can judge for yourselves. Then you can see me too. Sorry, but I hate having my picture taken.

Then a bunch of us went out for dinner. I went back home and sat in my chair, fell asleep for a while, called Nicole who was going down to crazy days in North St. Paul. Which I did not feel like going to .

See there's like five bars on Main street and when crazy days is going , their all packed. I mean standng room only. It's crowded, smoky, hot and not something I was looking forward to doing. So I opt'd for a nap. Aaron wanted to go down there and I told him to have fun, cause I wasn't. No way. So around 10:30 I headed back down to his place. We went to Smiley's then he begged me into going down to Bleecher's.

Yesterday his sister was having a birthday party for her twins. I wasn't going to stop in, one cause I had to get home and let the dog out. It was already 5 in the afternoon by now. Two, I wasn't really ready for the whole - meet the family thing. Granted I already met his mom a while back. His dad is/was up at the bar with us when Teresa and I would go up there after work. But still.

So he tells his sister that I'm with him and she's like - holy shit! Come see my kids real quick.

So two hours later! It was fine. I love his sister, she's such a sweetheart.

So we didn't really talk about much. Friday morning he couldn't get any words out of his mouth, that's when he told me I make him flustered. LOL You men are peculiar creatures.

Nicole was giving me shit on Saturday night cause we haven't even kissed. It's not that big of a deal for me, what's the hurry?

OH! and the most wierd thing by far! A while back, a year or so, I had a friends with benefits(Pete). He works at my part time job. We hooked up every once and a while, but stopped a little over a year ago. He had a girlfriend and as far as I knew until friday afternoon, he still did.

Well he instant messages me and starts flirty flirtying with me. BIG time. And I quote"Well if it rains, we'll have to take our clothes off and dry off at my place" So I'm thinking, what the hell is up with this?! I go to work and tell Nicole I need to talk to her. So we go out and smoke and she tells me they broke up a few months ago.

So what the fuck? I'm like, ok. So first no one is interested and now there's two?

The thing with Pete is that, I would be a rebound. He's got a one year old son. Not that I don't like kids, but. I dunno, there's pros and cons with both guys. We'll have to see.

Bath and Body works is having theuir semi-annual sale today and I'm going right after work! Not that I don't have half the store in my bathroom already, but when shower gel and lotion is like $5 - hell yeah!!

Aiight ya'll, I'm outtie!! Talk to ya later!

I hope you all had a good weekend!

Aimee's Entry - 'Tis a Miserably Rainy Day...

Yawn. Today is such a nasty day. Rain, rain, rain and more rain. Actually, this whole week has been pretty icky. Welcome to 'Hurricane Season' in Florida. It's a miserable time of year. I should head north. Anybody want some company?

Well, yesterday was a complete waste. I don't think I was conscious for more than 4 or 5 hours. I hate infusion days for that reason alone. It always feels like I've lost a whole day of my life that I'll never be able to get back. God, that sounded dismal. Sorry.

Okay, moving on... I finally bought Black Rose by Nora Roberts and I'm dying to read it because I absolutely adore her books but I can't. Not Yet. Sigh. I still have 100 pages left to read of 'The Innocent' by Harlan Coben and I'm not a book jumper so as much as it pains me to look at NR's book sitting on the end table begging to be read, I will finish HC's book first. I don't know why I can't get through this book? Harlan Coben is a fantastic author and although this book isn't one of his best, it's still a great read. I don't know what the deal is.

God, Drew was being extremely crude this morning. I woke up still fuzzy from the pre-meds they gave me yesterday and he wanted to have sex but not just any kind of sex, oh no, he wanted anal sex. Now, I have no beef with anal, I know he likes it and all that jazz but for pity's sake he could've at least let me wake up a bit before he started whispering all these crude things in my ear. It was so bloody obnoxious. Seriously. I wanted to smack him upside the head. Well, he didn't get anal or any other kind of sex for that matter. And boy, when he left for work he was a tad bit grumpy with me.

Oh and speaking of Drew reminds me... Thank you all for the lovely comments that you left about the e-mail my sister sent me. They honestly helped. I still haven't written her back but I did talk with her a bit on the phone. She still expects me to just pack up and walk away. What she suggests may be the right thing to do but I don't know? I don't care for the pressure to make a choice, ya know? I can't just walk away from a relationship that's been a part of my life for ten years. Not when I feel like there's still a chance for us to get past all the bad shit and work our way back to the good. We're actually doing better but no one really sees that I suppose. Oh well, enough about that for now.

Anyway, there's not much happening over here. The house is quiet and I'm all by my lonely. I think I'll go see if I can finish HC's dratted book so I can read NR's book cause, let me tell you, it's killing me to see it just sit there.

Catch y'all later.

Angie's Entry - Emotions are strange things

I have to address Aimee's entry first, so bear with me.

Part of growing up, into a man or a woman, is those child like dreams, hopes and attitudes don't so much apply the older you get. Things in your life change, people that cross you path change your view on the world and the people around you. I'm not sure what Christie said to you but as your sister I'm sure she is being honest without being hurtful on purpose.

It's when someone close to us forces us to look into the mirror that the truth can hurt the most.

I think what hurts me the most sometimes when people point out inconsistencies in my life, like they see this gaping hole or this cloud over me and I think everything is fine. I'm happy with my life but everyone sees me as sad, upset or depressed and are worried about me.

I'm probably not making much sense, but.

Rod asked, kind of, about all the awful things my ex had said to me while we were together. He's probably wondering why I stayed so long in that relationship, why I put up with that behavior for so long and found it okay to cope with.

Honestly. I don't know. I should have left after the first time I found out he cheated on me. But like the kid (I was 20) I was, I believed him when he told me it was a mistake and it would never happen again. As for the things he said to me. I wish I had an answer for why. He's never been man enough to tell me why he said the things he did. And most of all, he's never apologized.

Not once.

Ever.

To this day.

When I get some time, I'll post a picture of me, yuk. But I feel I should.

I think his shining moment was (and this gets really personal for me. There aren't many people in this world that know this about me, my mother has no idea. No one in my family does. It's not something I generally put out there because people feel so strongly, but it's a part of me. So please be gentle.) about a year before we broke up for good. I will remember this moment like a snapshot in my mind for the rest of my life. We were getting ready to go up to his parents house for the day. I was in the kitchen getting some stuff together and I for the life of me can not remember how we even got on the subject or what prompted him to say this to me, but it's inconsequential at this point. He walked into the kitchen, stood 10 feet from me, looked me dead in the eyes and without so much as flinching told me, "I'd never have kids with you." "Why?" "Cause we'd have ugly kids."

Fortunately for me he didn't know I was pregnant at the time. About 6 weeks. And he already had two kids of his own with someone else at that time.

I think I've gotten over most of the other things he's said to me, but that one still stings like a motherf*cker.

So onto happier things!

Aaron texted me last night around 10:45. I had been in bed for like and hour when my damn phone starts buzzing and ringing. When I went to bed, I figured he wasn't going to call. Katie and I walked yesterday and she assured me that I had done good, with letting him know I was interested in him, but not pushing. Even Teresa let up on the teasing when I instant messaged her yesterday to say hi and we talked about it a little more. See Teresa is convinced that Aaron isn't good enough for me.

It must have been slower than hell at the bar for him to spend close to 2 hours messaging me back and forth. We flirted, like we always do and he asked when he could see me again. We went back and forth, I told him it was up to him, he said it was up to me. So Friday it is. Then the brat says 'what are you still doing up?'
'A certain someone woke me up and if he'd let me go, I could finish the dirty dream I was having about him.' Now picture this, I'm laying in bed, my contacts are dry and I'm laughing out loud.

The dog jumps up everytime my phone buzzes cause all she wants to do is sleep.

Then he comes back with 'why dream'
Doesn't that just make ya wonder? It makes me wonder!

He promised me a backrub at the bar on Tuesday night and you know what they say about backrubs. So Friday should be interesting. I am going to ask him about this bartender chick tho. I'm curious what the real deal is with that. Or should I not ask and let his actions speak??

Thought for the day: The best things in life are worth waiting for.

Profound huh? NOT!

Aimee's Entry - Forced To Face Myself (Depressing Post)

God, work done kicked my ass today and I still have an hour left. Sigh. Come on 5 o'clock.

Christie (my sister and one of the best friends I've got) sent me this really long e-mail. It was one of those e-mails that forces you to step back and take a look at your life. Well, I haven't e-mailed her back yet because, honestly, I'm not sure what to say. I have every intention of answering her but I guess I just need some time to sort it all out in my head and my heart. Being forced to look at your life without the rose coloured glasses can be fairly disheartening.

And out of everything that she said in her e-mail, I think this hurt the most...

"...I remember a girl i wanted to be. everybody wanted to be around her, look like her, be like her. she was happy, with a high self esteem and boy was I jealous. I miss her..."

(supermodel I am not and have never been so, feel free to skip the picture)

.

She's talking about her ^^^ and In a lot of ways I miss that girl too. But that girl up there was a naive 19 year old with big hopes and crazy dreams. She had to grow up. And growing up hasn't been a walk in the park but it didn't completely kill the person I used to be. There's still some of that girl left inside me. I just have to look really hard to find her. (And Christie, I wasn't really all that attractive. I have the funniest shaped face. What's with that?)

Okay, enough depressing stuff for toady. And since I have absolutely nothing positive to say at the moment I'm going to stop right here.

Night.

Angie's Entry - Feeling - so many things

It's never an easy thing to put your feelings on the line. Even in the most subtle ways.

I've been burned a few times, so I try not to play with matches.

It took me a long time to pull myself up from the depths and I have to say I think I did a pretty good job, at least everyone tells me so. Of course I had a few key friends who walked the rocky path behind me, just to make sure I was heading in the right direction.

I've purposely avoided any kind of serious or even non-serious situations with guys because I wasn't ready to go that far down again. I've put a lot of time and energy into liking myself, building myself back up and being who I want to be. It's hard to believe that you're (in general terms, not me specifically)(I don't think I'm - nevermind. I'm rambling.)

When someone spends four years telling you you're stupid, not good at anything, ugly etc. etc. etc. It takes quite a while to stop believing it. But eventually I did. Not that I'm Cindy Crawford or anyone like that. But I finally stopped being depressed over losing him, stopped blaming myself for everything that went wrong, for every time he cheated on me, and figured out that I deserve to be treated better. With respect.

Where's this coming from?

Aaron and I talked a little bit last night. It was his birthday and I went up to the bar with him for a while. He's left a lot of things a mystery to me. Telling me bits and pieces of things that have been going on, but never really the whole story. I'm not sure why he hasn't been totally forward, but I don't think he does it to be shady. I think it's just things he'd rather not talk about or think about.

So while we were standing by my car we got to dancing around. Verbally, not literally.

There's an ex other than the nutcase, she works up at the bar with him. She's a bartender and apparently a little on the nutty side. Wow, that's a big shocker right? One nutcase to the next? He looks at me and says I'm normal and it's scary for him. I assured him that I've had my manic and psychotic episodes, he just may not have been around to see them. I've argued with Aaron before, I've seen his temper. He's not someone you can back down to. But he'll eventually come around. It's just how he is.

I bit my tongue until it bled last night, he kept telling me 'just say it, just say it. I know you want to, so go ahead. I can handle it.' So after shaking my head, avoiding his eyes, I finally told him - 'I don't know why you keep fuckin around with these chicks when have you some thing better standing right in front of you.'

Well, that caught him off guard. He had that look like - say what? He finally found his tongue and says 'we talked about this at Nick's that one night didn't we?' 'Yeah, like 5 years ago'. Then we both broke out into a jig.

It was a little uncomfortable, but it's cause I'm not sure what he's feeling.

I hate uncertainty. I hate feeling open and vunerable.

Maybe it's cause - I don't know and I won't pretend to know.

I think he might be afraid to fuck things up with me? I don't know. I wish I did.

But there's something to be said when the same person keeps popping into and out of your life for so long, that you have to stop and wonder - why? What is the reason this person is in my life and why feelings that I've had for him have not diminished over the past 7 years?

Life's all about second chances isn't it?

Or does fate really like to fuck with me that much?

Could be.

I dunno. We hugged a lot, he told me to text him when I got home. I did. He marked his calendar for the Motley show in August. My cousin has an extra ticket, I'm insisting that she not let my 14 year old niece go. She doesn't like that music and a Motley show really is no place for a 14 year old. It's on a Friday night and I'm goin to fuckin party baby!!

So I think I'm done now. I just have to get this idea out of my head that Aaron and I could probably have something amazing and just play it cool. Let him come to me when he's ready but not sit around and wait for him.

Easier said than done huh?

Oh, he's funny. He apologized for his buddy hanging around all night Saturday. He told me that's why another of his friends didn't come over, cause I was. So I'm feeling some mixed messages and I need to make sure I keep myself clear about what's going on in my own head until he figures out his.

Don't worry, I'll keep you posted.

Thought for the day: Proceed with caution.