Aimee

I haven't felt much like writing (or doing anything else for that matter) for days, and it sucks because it was such an inopportune time for me to get myself into a funk as I had a deadline to meet on something I was writing for someone else. But it all worked out, it's done, and that's that.

Anyway, my checking account is thankfully back in the positive, but all the fees, plus having to personally cover the two bad checks (in the amount of $811.74) written to me seriously ate through a good portion of my income tax check (bye-bye vacation fund cause chances of me recouping it all are slim. Ah well, I didn't really need a vacation, did I?). And although the person who put me in this position currently owes me $923.74, I'm not going to breathe easy until the money actually graces my palm. I realize that probably sounds awful, but I don't care because the reality for me is, living modestly is difficult most of the time. Hell, without my bonus, Christmas this year would've been nothing for no one, and other holidays, birthdays, etc. are only possible because I save in advance or I use gift certificates and other monetary gifts that were given to me for them (which when she found out, pissed Cathy off because she used to give me gift certificates to Target for Christmas and my birthday until she found out that I rarely use them for myself, so this year she gave me gift certificates to Barnes & Noble and told me she better not find out that I'm out buying books for everyone else. LOL). And honestly, I just can't afford to pay for someone else's irresponsibilty, and I shouldn't have to.

And while I'm thinking about the irresponsible ass who fucked me over, I mentioned in my last post that she betrayed my tust, but I didn't explain how, and I'm not going to now, not fully anyway. Instead, I'll give you the short version... My mom, while being very open-minded about some things, is very close-minded about others. Some of her beliefs are quite antiquated, and because I know that, there was something that I'd been reluctant to completely share with her. And because I don't have anyone in my physical life that I can talk to other than this person (and my dad, who'd never break my trust), she knew how I felt. Anyhow, to some extent my mom knew what was going on because I'd (very) vaguely told her, but defintely not in the in-your-face "look what your sainted Aimee is up to behind your back" way that this person did. To my mothers credit, she handled it much better than I would've expected because, knowing this person, I can pretty much guess what was said, and how it was said (and since my mom didn't give me a play-by-play, just the basics, all I can do is guess). And I should mention, the reason this person broke my trust was because she did something that really upset my mother, and she was trying to draw the negative attention away from herself, but it didn't work because we're perfectly okay, my mom and I .

Hmm, what else? Ah yes, my Explorer. Let's see, the drivers side rear quarter panel needs to be replaced (and as the appraiser informed me, painted, which I pretty much guessed as he said it needs replaced) because it was dented and scratched all to hell, the rear tail light needs replaced because it was busted out, and because he said something about repressed plastic being irrepairable, the back bumper needs replaced because it was scratched all to hell too. He said once I get the go ahead from Allstate, I'll be without it for two day (*sniffle*). Oh well, at least they're going to provide me with a rental.

That's it really as I haven't been doing much more than moping since Friday.

But on a happy note, to cheer me up my mom, bless her heart, bought me J.D. Robb's new book yesterday because she knows I can't afford it right now. Isn't she great?

And I hope you all have a pleasant day.

Aimee

Alright, I’ll tell you all what I’m NOT going to do...

I’m not going to dwell on the fact that the rent check cleared yesterday (and cross your fingers that the bank doesn’t return it, please God) and now my checking account is at this very moment overdrawn by $377 and change (which with all those "insufficient funds" charges yet to clear will just continue to grow before Monday when I can go to the bank and try to fix it) because someone decided to write me not one, but two checks they fucking knew were going to bounce.

Nor am I going to dwell on the fact that I had to pay H&R Block $233 to express file our taxes this morning in order for me to get a same-day check so that I CAN go to the bank on Monday, and fix the mess my account is currently in.

I’m also choosing not to dwell on the fact that: (a) I had to swallow my pride, and ask Drew to help try and dig me out of this mess someone else has gotten me into (he couldn’t help as he doesn’t get paid until next Friday, but I’m thankful that he dragged his ass out with me this morning so we could express file our taxes, without which I’d be fucked eight ways to Sunday), and (b) I had to ask my mother to fill up my gas tank because I was sitting on "E" as well as buy a birthday present for Cameron’s girlfriends birthday party tomorrow because I don’t have ANY fucking money thanks to the aforementioned person.

And lastly, I am absolutely not going to dwell on the fact that even though I only bring home $365 a week, and get little to no help from anyone with paying the bills, I have managed to NOT bounce a check or in any way overdraw my account since Drew moved out in October.

But if this person EVER pulls this shit again, and puts me in the position that their irresponsible actions have put me in right now, all bets are off. I’m a fairly nice person, and I try my best to understand when someone is having a rough time, but really, there is only so much I can take before I just can’t take anymore.

And I have to tell you, right now, I’m just about there with this person.

And the really fucked up part (the part that hurts) about this is, it didn’t have to be this way. If they would’ve just told me, we could’ve worked it out together. But they didn’t tell me, and now I’m paying for their fuck up.

EDITED @ 1:05 AM 1/29/06: It added serious insult to injury when I found out that aside from fucking my finances all to bloody hell, and basically putting me in a rather precarious position, the aforementioned person (who Angie basically outed, LOL) also broke my trust by telling my mother something that I specifically asked her not to. My mother, bless her heart, handled it much better than I thought she would, but I should've been the one to tell her. And now I'm not sure what hurts worse, that they did all the above shit or that they broke my trust? I don't know? I guess the only thing I do know right now is that you live, learn and trust next to no one.

Angie's Entry for Friday even though it's Saturday

It's a sad day here in Angie-land.

Today was my last day at my full time job. And even though I have a great new job, or so I'm hoping, with a starting pay of what my now former employer should have been paying me, I find that even as I type this, my heart is heavy, my eyes clouded with tears and I'm feeling loss.

Saying goodbye to my good friend, confidant and co-worker, PC, was harder than I thought it was going to be. And while I intend to keep in touch with him and a few others, it was still a very hard goodbye for me.

You don't fully realize how much your co-workers mean to you until reality sets in when you're walking out the door for the last time that you're not going to see them everyday. That you're not going to be able to shoot off an email and listen for the laughter, knowing that they just read it.

I spent five years at my job and it wasn't until yesterday at 2:20 when I started my normal daily, see ya tomorrow's, that I knew I was going to miss the people I worked with more than I ever thought I would.

While it's always nice to hear that I made a contribution to the company. That my dependability, responsibility and dedication are appreciated, it's too bad it had to be my last day to hear that.

I spent the 30 minute drive home last night (Friday) crying even though I tried to make it stop.

I'm crying again as I finish typing this.

My mom called me last night after I left her a message, to make sure I was ok and I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I checked my eyes this morning and once I got past the bags, I noticed a red dot next to my iris. I'd popped a small blood vessel in my eye.

I'm sad about leaving, and I know I made the right decision but I'm still sad. My mom assures me that it's okay to be sad and it's ok to cry. It's a process and right now I need to grieve. Five years is a long time. But when I look back on how angry my job made me, it's a direct reflection on how much I cared. Even if there weren't a lot of people there that cared about me.

So I'm still sad but I hope that it will subside during this week. I'm working my part time job Monday - Wednesday and taking Thursday and Friday off. My house is a disaster and badly needs to be cleaned.

I'll miss my friends very much and I hope that PC knows how much I will miss sitting next to him, I don't think he knows how much his friendship means and has meant to me.

Okay, gotta go, can't see the keys or screen anymore and my nose is running.

Public Service Announcement...

For that person who apparently thinks it's fun to make my life hell (and anyone else who thinks it's fun to fuck with me)...



Kindly Go Fuck Yourself.

And the only reason I didn't say this to you face to face is because as pissed off as I am right now, I'd probably say something I can never take back. And as much as I don't like you at the moment, I fucking love you. How ironic is that.

Another Silly E-mail Question Thingy...

Appearance...

HEIGHT: 5 ft 1
HAIR COLOR: Dark blonde with highlights
SKIN COLOR: Pale
EYE COLOR: Hazel
PIERCINGS: 2 in each ear (that'd be 4 for any lurking math whiz)
TATTOOS: Not a one.

Right Now...

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Black.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Sunrise -- Nora Jones
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Nothing really.
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: It's a bit chilly today, and it looks like the skies are fittin' to break loose.

Do You...

GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Yes, but typically only on long car rides.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Smoking.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Most of the time.
LIKE TO DRIVE?: Nope, I hate to drive.

What's Your Favorite...

TV SHOW: I've recently discovered that I absolutely adore TV so there are a few -- House, Law & Order: SVU, CSI (all of them), Without a Trace, Criminal Minds, American Idol.
CONDITIONER: Biolage (I love their shampoo too).
BOOK: I have far too many to just name one, but I will say anything written JD Robb is an automatic favorite, I don't even have to read it first to know that I'll love it.
MAGAZINE: I have no clue, Cathy passes me 'People' all the time so I suppose that's the one I read most frequently
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Coffee, Celestial Seasonings Green Tea, Dr. Pepper and I've recently grown an affection for diet Cherry Coke.
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Midori Sour, and when they run out of Midori (that actually happened the last time Christie and I went to Bonefish), I switch to Amaretto Sours.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Try to catch up on all the sleep I missed during the week, and if you're me, pick up after a couple rowdy children.
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Band -- Journey, Air Supply, Nickelback (that's all I can think of right now). Singer -- Martina McBride, Kelly Clarkson, Faith Hill (most times). Rapper -- Eminem (and right now that's about it).

Have You?

BROKEN THE LAW: Of course I have, but nothing big.
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: Nope
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Too many times to count (sorry mom)
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yep
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Who me? Oh alright, yes.
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: Good God, no! Those things are so nasty, I stay away from them as often as humanly possible.
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yes
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: Are you guys trying to get me in trouble? I may be 30, but my mom still threatens to ground me regularly. Sigh. Yes.
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: No.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: Yep. Up the Down Staircase, A Night On Broadway (which was just a bunch of different broadway performances packed into one show), Final Dress Rehearsal and The Lottery. Aside from that, I teched (lighting, sound, etc.) for The Crucible, Oklahoma, Guys & Dolls, By Bye Birdie and The Night of January 16th.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Absolutely.

Love...

BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: Married, but separated.
CHILDREN: 1, Cameron.
BEEN IN LOVE?: Most definitely.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Yep.
BEEN HURT?: Many times.
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: There are a legion.

Random...

DO YOU HAVE A JOB: Yes, I'm an administrative assistant for a construction company.
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Journey: Greatest Hits.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Green.
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: My Cameron, my family, my friends.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: Cameron.
THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GOING TO BUY?: I have absolutely no idea.
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: Angie, Evan, Jeff, my mommy, my dad and (when we don't want to kill each other) Christie.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Read, write, talk, sleep (in no particular order).

Last...

PERSON YOU KISSED: Cameron
TIME YOU CRIED?: Last night
TIME YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: Umm, I think it was the post card Angie sent me when she went to Hawaii.
THING YOU PURCHASED: Coffee.
PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Without a Trace.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Get Rich or Die Tryin'

Your Thoughts On...

ABORTION: I'm ProChoice.
TEENAGE SMOKING: Well since I've smoked since I was a teenager, it'd be a bit hypocritical of me to lecture, but it ain't good for ya. If you don't do it, don't start.
DREAMS: Are a lovely thing, and at the moment, They're the only way I have of touchng something I long for.

Pretty, huh?

And I should mention that my dad is the best. He bought me some over the counter Benedryl to try and counteract some of the side effects. I'm a bit foggy over here, but it's all good.

Aimee

That good mood I was in yesterday has left me today. Ah well, at least I had it for a few shining moments yesterday.

Anyway, I have to cut out of here shortly, and head home because, miracle of miracles, they finally got me a nurse to infuse the meds I've been sitting on for over a week. Only problem is they forgot the premeds which means I'll be a miserable swollen mess who can't breathe by the time it's over. Sounds fun, huh? Ah well, beggars can't be choosers, can they?

Wish me luck.

Stop the presses...

Cause I'm in an insanely good mood today. Yeah, I know -- what's up with that, huh?

I'm thinking it has something to do with Cameron telling me that I looked pretty before we left the house this morning. It was just so darn sweet, and the fact that in reality I look like utter hell today (seriously, I don't have a stitch of make-up on, and my hair is in some wild messy knot atop my head) doesn't matter because he thought I looked pretty, and what could be more lovely than that?

You know, sometimes I'd almost swear that Cameron's #1 mission in life is to drive me completely out of my mind, but mostly he just makes me feel so extremely wonderful.

Sigh. I love that kid.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Well, today started off with a bang, quite literally I might add, with my impromptu car accident. And boy let me tell you how fun that was. But for those who care, no worries, I’m none the worse for wear, not a scratch on me. My car, on the other hand, wasn’t quite as lucky, but it’s all good, just some minor repairs needed. And you know, it was such an awkward situation because as pissed off as I was about the whole thing, it was extremely hard to be rude to the woman who hit me because she was just so damn nice. Sigh. So there I was standing out in the hot sun in the middle of morning rush hour having a lovely chat (in between text messages to Angie, LOL) with the woman who’d basically just side swiped my car. Ah, the irony.

Anyway, from there it just got hectic because I was almost two hours late for work, and today is payroll day, which is the busiest day of the week. Needless to say, I was slightly behind, and had to bust ass to catch up.

Note: This next part involves sex (gasp), and if that fact bothers you in any way, shape or form, I suggest you tune out now.

Sex is fun, sex is great, etc., etc., etc. Personally, I haven’t had any in a while, but I do vaguely remember that it can be quite enjoyable if done right. And because I do remember, I can understand how it would be easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, and forget about little details, oh like say, "protection". It happens. But (come on, you knew it was coming) getting caught up in the heat of the moment, and purposely doing something so ridiculously irresponsible it blows my fucking mind are two totally different things.

Forgetting to use a condom once? Okay. But four times? I think not.

What, do I look stupid? Apparently.

And to try and defend the irresponsibility by saying something idiotic like, "But he pulled out the last two times," is just another insult to my intelligence because if he was coherent enough to pull out then it goes to reason that he was coherent enough to put on a fucking condom.

But wait, it gets better, she let the man come inside her TWICE, and then sat here and innocently asked me, "There’s no way I could’ve gotten pregnant, right?"

Huh? If she expected me to believe that she didn’t know she could get pregnant from having unprotected sex, she’s stupider than she was insinuating I am.

But what really burns me is that she knew exactly what she was doing. And the sad part is, it didn’t work the last time he "accidentally" knocked her up so what makes her think that this time is going to be any different. The man does NOT love her, and that fact isn’t going to magically change just because she’s carrying his child, he’s already shown her that it won’t, she just refuses to see it.

Oh well, it’s her life, and if she’s hellbent on fucking it up there isn’t much I can do to stop her.

P.S. "Memory In Death" hit the shelves today, and you'll be pleased to know that I resisted the temptation to selfishly buy it for myself because I know I can't afford it. I'm so proud of myself. Go Aimee.

Angie's Entry - A nice email

I got from my cousin/sister and I wanted to share it with you all.

I want you to know you're an incredibly smart person Angie. I know you can do whatever you set your mind to. Let's face it position descriptions make people sound way smarter than what they ACTUALLY do on a daily basis, don't let that intimidate you.
This may not be what you"want to be when you grow up" heck most of us are still trying to figurethat out.....however it will give you more free time to work towards doing what you REALLY want.
Maybe you would have the money and time to do online courses or something.
I believe in you Angie and I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. I think you and I are a lot alike in that way.
Just don't let your self confidence beat you before you try something. Change is hard we all know that but remember XXXXXX is a really big company with many different things you can do.
I love you to death and want nothing but the best for you. Most of all I just don't want to see you struggle so hard, I'd like things to be easier for you. I love you and if you need anything let me know. Your sister!!!

Good thing I was alone in the office on Saturday morning when I read this cause it moved me to tears.

Let's see...

I feel like hell, and I look like hell, plus there's a whole myriad of other bullshit weighing me down today.

Anyhow, when I left work I felt like death so I called my dad on my way home and asked him to pick up Cameron because I knew if I didn't lay down I'd just end up flat on my ass, and that thought certainly wasn't appealing. Well, by the time I walked through the door, I was well past delirium, and quickly heading towards collapse. So I went to bed, and tried to sleep it off. It worked sort of, but I woke up with a rather nasty migraine, and in one wicked bad mood.

But that wicked mood didn't last, and as awful as I still feel physically, mentally I'm feeling alright.

My life is ridiculously chaotic, and more times than not, I feel completely alone in my mess. But I'm not. And for all the times that I don't say it, I'm extremely thankful for those of you that love me enough to stick with me when others would have walked away. You're wonderful, and I love you.

My mother has no regard for my sanity...

Cause if she did, she would’ve never bought Cameron this...





Sigh, chances are I’ll have a heart attack worrying about him falling off the damn thing, and breaking something. But turn about is fair play, I suppose, and since skateboarding used to be my thing too, I can’t complain all that much. Although, I was nice enough to wait until I was a teenager to put my mother through hell. Besides, I was good. A fact that Drew ruthlessly tried to capitalize on earlier today by trying to taunt Brandee (his roommate) into some skate-off by insinuating that I could out-skate her ass any day of the week, completely ignoring the fact that my feet haven’t graced a skateboard in too many years to count. Needless to say, I refused to do it.

Aside from some skateboarding, the three of us went out to one of Cameron’s favorite restaurants and had a very pleasant lunch together, then we headed off to Target because Cameron wanted this silly stuffed rose we saw when we were there the other day. But after Target things took a bit of a bad turn, and though we got back on track, the whole thing left me feeling sad. Not for me, but for Cameron.

Anyhow, Cameron got his rose, and well, I got these...



Drew bought them for me. You think perhaps he’s trying to tell me something? LOL.

And that’s about it. I hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Laziness is thy name.

Ugh, I’m so lazy. Though I had to get up a few times to feed Cameron, change movies and video games, etc. I pretty much slept until 2:30 today. But I actually feel half way decent right now so I’m not going to complain too much about wasting a perfectly good day by sleeping it away.

And I have no idea why, but I’m sitting here listening to Jo Dee Messina, and I’m actually enjoying it. Hmm.

I’m thinking it’s because I’m bored out of my mind, and I’d enjoy just about anything right now. If I had the motivation to actually get up and do something, I’d go put on a movie instead of sitting here staring aimlessly at the rather kick ass design on my AOL desktop (It’s pretty). But I don’t.

Anyway, Drew is pissed off at me (again, always), he said that he wasn’t, but I’ve known the man long enough to know when he’s pissed off about something. I think I mentioned sometime, in some post that on Saturday nights we typically go out and do something together. Well, ever since my gramma passed away, my dad hasn’t been coming over like he typically does in the evenings because he doesn’t want to leave my papaw alone right now. And therefore I had no one to watch Cameron, so I couldn’t go out with Drew tonight. Really, what was I supposed to do? Oh well, I’m not going to dwell on it. Cameron and I are going to spend the day with him tomorrow, and he’s just going to have to be happy with that.

And since I slept all day, that’s basically it.

Aimee -- Blah, blah, blah.

Ugh. I'm so fantastically bored right now that I'm seconds from going out of my mind (or falling asleep where I sit -- whichever happens first), plus I'm suffering from a dreadful case of loneliness.

It sucks.

All of it.

Sigh.

One of these days I'm going to write a happy post again, I swear I will. But unfortunately, it ain't gonna be today.

And you know what really blows? I absolutely detest feeling like some needy, clingy, marginally depressed, affection craving woman, but alas, I do.

Dammit.

But hell, at least it's Friday, and that means I have two days to hole up and lick my ridiculously trivial wounds in private.

Sounds like fun, don't it? Ah well, such is life.

And I'm going to stop right here because I'm starting to annoy myself with all this self-pity.

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend.

EDITED @ 8:36 PM EST: I'm still bored, and definitely still lonely, but miraculously, my mood has greatly improved. I'm thinking it's cause I just realized that J.D. Robb's new book "Memory In Death" is hitting the shelves on Tuesday (what rock have I been living under?), and isn't it covenient that I get paid on Tuesdays? Now technically, I really can't afford to buy it on Tuesday (or any other day in the near future for that matter) cause I'm broker than broke (no lie, and it sucks cause I'm on the verge of having to get a PT job, and my doctor strongly advises against that, but hell, what am I gonna do? I gotta pay the bills somehow, don't I?), but I want it dammit, and come hell or highwater, I'm going to get it. Somehow. Someway. And that's that.

And it's driving me slightly crazy, but for some unknown reason, the font sizes in IE keep changing from large to extremely small. And I should mention that I'm not all that crazy about Bell Souths internet service, but it's marginally better than AOL, so I'll just shut my mouth.

Alrighty then, I'm off to more of the nothing I was doing before I decided to edit this post.

Hmm.

I've decided that I need to learn how to play baseball. And why, you ask? Well, because Cameron so badly wants to play with the new bat, glove, etc. that he got for Christmas, but I'm proving to be extremely useless in helping him out. I mean, I've finally gotten basketball down pretty good, but baseball, sigh, not quite.

So who wants to teach me?

Aimee -- A whole lot of nothing.

I stole this from Evan because I'm feeling completely unoriginal today. Besides, I thought it was cute.


ABC's

A - Age of first kiss: I was young (12, 13, 14 -- who knows), she was a year younger, we were experimenting, and to be honest, as sloppy as it was, it was quite nice.
B - Band listening to right now: Ah, Air Supply. Oh, be quiet! I like them, I can't help it. You can blame my mom for that one. And going totally off topic, when Cameron was teeny tiny, he had colic pretty bad, and I used to turn on Air Supply and dance with him to calm him down. Now see, that's a happy thought.
C - Crush on: Umm, no one that I can think of.
D - Dad's name: James William Martin
E - Easiest person to talk to: Myself cause I rarely talk back. But seriously, I'd have to say Ang (the poor woman), I tell her things she'd probably rather I didn't.
F - Favorite Song: Don't really have one.
G – Greatest Love: That monster better known as Cameron. He's my one true love.
H- Hometown: Umm, I was born in Ashland, Kentucky, but I was pretty much raised in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.
I – Instrument: I had a very brief stint with the violin, but it just wasn't for me. Other than that, none.
J- Junior High: Honestly, I scarcely remember Junior High.
K - Kids: Just one.
L - Longest car ride ever: Long car rides and I do not have a friendly relationship (at all), but the longest I remember was from Coral Springs, FL to Taylor, SC.
M - Mum's name: Dawn
N – Nicknames: I've been tagged with so many nicknames, it's hard to keep track, but here are the ones that still get tossed at me on a regular basis -- Aim, Aims, Aimers, Aimster, Amiel, Amiela.
O - One wish: For Cameron to grow up healthy (that's a big one for personal reasons), happy and know that no matter what path he chooses, he'll always be accepted, and he'll always always be loved.
P- Phobias: You got all day? I have far too many to name, but the strangest one I can think of off the top of my head is my irrational fear of fingernail clippers.
Q - Quote(s): I'm a quote whore, you know? I fricken' love them. But for reasons that elude me, my favorite is, "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows weak with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself." -- Oscar Wilde.
R - Reason to smile: Love
S – Something You Love to Do: Talk. Seriously, I rarely shut up.
T – Time you woke up today: 6:45 a.m.
U – Unknown fact about me: Ah, there are probably quite a few -- good, bad, and all points in between -- but it's saf to say if you don't already know then there's more than likely a reason you don't.
V - Vegetable you hate: Okra, ugh, won't touch the slimy suckers.
W - Worst Boyfriend/Girlfriend? Eric Evans. And the reasons are far and wide.
X - X-rays you've had: I think I've had them all.
Y - Yummy food: My mother-in-laws Picadillo, it's kickass.
Z - Zodiac sign: Leo

In other news, I'm slightly peeved because my bloody bracelet broke again. I just had the damn thing fixed.

Umm, what else? Oh yes, I'm currently in the midst of trying to conquer a wicked case of stagefright. My grandfather has asked me to speak on his behalf at the memorial service tomorrow night, and I'm a bit frightened. But I'll deal with it. At least it's just speaking, I was sincerely afraid he was going to ask me to sing one of her favorite hyms, and then I'd have a real problem because I don't think I could do it.

And that's it. Today was blah, and I've got a headache that I'm fairly sure has teeth and is currently having a grand time gnawing away at my brain. Sigh.

It's all about me, me, me...

I think not.

Though I tend to get bitchy about a great number of things, I'm generally an understanding person, or at least I try to be. But I swear my sister is pushing my understanding (along with what little patience I have) way past its limit.

And if she comes at me again with the ass backwards misconception that I fucking owe her something, it's not going to be pretty. Oh no, it's going to get downright ugly, and I'll be sorry for it, but I've had ENOUGH! I really have.

And I'll tell you why...

(a) After spending over 3 hours (late Thursday night into Friday morning) sitting in the living room at my fathers home while my deceased grandmother laid across the room in the chair that she passed away in because we had to wait for the medical examiner to release her body before we could call the funeral home to come and pick her up, I came home (somewhere around 3:00 am) a complete emotional wreck, and I'm not ashamed to say somewhat traumatized. Sleep was not an option, I couldn't. So I turned to Evan for comfort, and his love helped me get through a few very bad moments, but I never did go to sleep. No, I sat up until I had to get Cameron up and ready for school, and after I took him, I came back and tried to call Robin to find out if my mom was out of surgery yet and then I just sat there and waited for my dad to call and tell me what needed to be done. After my dad called (at 9:00 am), I took a shower, got dressed, and headed to my dads to start what was an extremely heartbreaking day, and one I don't want to relive EVER. I didn't get home until after 7:00 pm, and then because he sees her almost everyday when my dad takes him to school, I had to explain to my son, who has no concept of what death means, that great-gramma had to go to heaven. That was hard, and I'm not sure if I handled it right, but I think I did okay. By 9:00 pm I was emotionally drained to the point of numbness and so completely exhausted I couldn't see straight anymore.

So let me ask you why, after the day (and night before) I'd had, should I care that Christie is depressed over gramma's death and wants me to watch Sarah becasue she needs to get out of the house for a while?

Let's see, I didn't see her sitting in the living room at my fathers the night before watching my papaw, a man I respect more than any other fall to pieces over losing the only woman he's ever loved, nor did I see her in the viewing room at the funeral home the next day while my papaw said his final goodbyes to the woman he's been with for 54 years, oh, and I don't think I saw her in the fancy little office at the funeral home while the funeral director very gently explained how much it was going to cost to bury our gramma, and come to think of it, she wasn't at the church when we were trying to discuss what we'd like to do in her honor either. And God, she wasn't the one who had to read all the notes my papaw passed me because he can't speak and writing notes is the only way he has to express his feelings. The notes were my undoing. I love that man so very much, and I can't cleary express how it felt when he passed me a note that said, "I miss her so much. I love her. I don't want to leave her here, but I know I must. Will you kiss her?" And that was only one.

So tell me, don't you think it was a bit insensitive of her to ask me to babysit her daughter so she can go out and drown her depression in alcohol?

I think so. Apparently she doesn't because after she put Sarah to bed, she had Jason take her out.

(b) After spending Saturday splitting my time between taking care of my mother because Robin left for Sarasota about an hour after she was released from the hospital, and she had basically nothing in the house to eat or drink and no way to get it because she can't drive, taking Cameron for his weekly visit with Drew, and going to my fathers to make sure that he and my papaw were doing alright and didn't need anything. You tell me why I should have to put up with her bitchy attitude because apparently I was disturbing her while she was trying to sleep at 10:00 pm on a Saturday night in the fucking living room?

First, if she wanted to sleep then she should have gone up to her fucking room to do it because unlike me, she has one. Second, the living room is off the dining room, and since the dining room happens to be where I sleep it's a given that I'm not going to tip toe around what would be considered MY ROOM so Miss Priss can take her beauty nap.

(c) Because Cameron has no school Monday or Tuesday, my mother-in-law took him to stay with her and his cousin in Miami until Tuesday night so that I can get the things I need done for the memorial service without having to worry about him. I have to design and print up memorial cards, stop by the Christian book store and pick up a Guest Register because my papaw would like to have one, go to the store and get the biggest frame I can find and the rest of the materials I'll need for the collage picture board my papaw asked me to do for the memorial, and pick up Drew so he can help me put it together and design the lettering and borders. Knowing that I have to do all that tonight because tomorrow night is pretty much out because they finally approved my infusion, and if it all goes as planned it'll happen tomorrow, where the fuck does she get off calling me at work, and chewing my ass because she expected me to watch Sarah tonight (which was news to me, mind you, because like always she never fucking asked, she just assumed) and she finds it unreasonable that I refused to do it. When I told her I couldn't do it because I had too much that I needed to do for the memorial, she had the balls to say, "What you need to do is help me out because I'd do it for you." Well, fuck that. I have helped her out more times than I care to count, and I'm not doing it this time. I can't. And I refuse to kill myself because she seems to think that I should stop my life whenever the hell she feels like using me.

Ah, I'm feeling a bit hostile at the moment. Can anyone tell?

I probably shouldn't post this because you're all probably going to think that one (or both) of us is a bitch, and well, it's just not nice to trash my sister, but fuck it, I'm not feeling very nice right now.

EDITED @ 11:50 PM EST: For all of Drew's faults, I've got to say that the man knows how to handle and curve my moods pretty well. You see, my sister never came home last night, and when she called me at work earlier before she started reading me the riot act about not watching Sarah, I aksed her where she was, and she explained that this guy rented them a hotel room on the beach, but she assured me that it's not what I think. They didn't have sex, or even kiss, they just played scrabble until well into the morning, and then went to bed on opposite sides without any physical contact, of course (and if you buy that one, let me sell you another).

Because of the whole bullshit conversation I had with her, I was in a bit (okay, more than a bit) of a pissy mood when I picked up Drew. Because he absolutely detests when I'm pissy, he went about trying to change that. And it was cool, we actually had fun together picking out stuff for the picture collage, but the best part was when we were pulling into the driveway, he turned to me and whispered, "Baby, I was thinking I'd rent us a room on the beach, and we can play scrabble ALL-NIGHT-LONG."

And I should note, I don't believe I've ever played scrabble, and I'm seriously not thinking Christie has either, but hey, I could be wrong.

Thank you.

In a perfect world, I’d be on top of things, but it’s not a perfect world, and I am most certainly not on top of things. While I’ve been trying to come to terms with the loss of my grandmother and simultaneously help my father and my grandfather plan her memorial service, my mother had gallbladder surgery (Friday) and the fact that I couldn’t fully be there for her weighed heavily on my mind. But thankfully she came through perfectly fine and was released from the hospital yesterday. I don’t know, it’s a weird time for me, everything is scattered – my mind, my thoughts, my feelings – there are people I should have called but didn’t, and there are others that I desperately wanted to call but didn’t. Needless to say, I’ve been neglecting to do things that I shouldn’t have, and for that, I apologize.

I’ve had a few people inquire about whether or not there will be a funeral and/or some kind of service for my grandmother, and if you’re one who has asked, and I haven’t gotten back to you, I’m sorry. It’s nothing personal, my mind is just on overload at the moment.

There will be no funeral, but there will be a memorial service for her on Wednesday January 18th 2006 at 6:30 pm in the Sanctuary at Royal Palm Christian Church (9600 Royal Palm Boulevard Coral Springs, Florida 33065).

And on a personal note...

Evan – Thank you for opening the door and allowing me to step through at a time when I was feeling so completely lost. I don’t know if you understand how truly grateful I am to have someone who loves me enough to let me be me (the weepy, wimpy mess that I am). You are an extremely wonderful man, and one that I’m honored to call my friend.

Angie – You’re always there, no matter what, and without that knowledge the things I’m feeling right now would be so much harder to handle. Your text message came through yesterday in the middle of an extremely trying time, and just knowing that you were thinking of me put my mind at ease.

Jeff – Thank you for the very thoughtful e-card, and for offering your shoulder if I should need it. You are another that I’m honored to call my friend.

And last but not least, my brother, Jason, who drove here from North Florida Friday night for no other reason than his love for us( Christie and I). His presence helped us far more than I could possibly express. He brought us each a bouquet of flowers...



...and in his words, "The best chocolate lollipop you’ll ever eat, straight from California." Ain't he great?

You’re all wonderful, and your love is a comfort to me, and mine. Thank you.

In Loving Memory Of...

Hester Helen Martin
"Gramma"
July 29th 1930 to January 12th 2006

I Am Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I am free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day, to laugh,
to love, to work or play.
Tasks undone must stay that way
I've found that peace at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void, then fill it
with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah, yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times,
a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and share with me,
God wanted me now; he set me free.

Sigh.

Ever since I was diagnosed with CVID, health insurance has been (and will always be) my living nightmare. I hate it. Not only does it basically dictate where I work as well as where I live, it's also a huge source of stress for me because when those assholes with whatever insurance company I happen to be with start playing the "stalling" game, they're basically playing russian roulette with my life. And it's not at all comfortable. But what am I going to do? I have no choice. I need it. I can't live without it. So I guess I better suck it up.

And that's all for today. I just needed to bitch.

Edited: I just got a lovely e-mail from a friend, who is concerned about me (thank you, my friend), and in answering him I realized that I haven't clearly explained what's been going on around here and why I'm so down at the moment. So I'll try.

I haven't had an infusion since November 14th, 56 days ago, and I'm supposed to have an infusion every 21 days. I should have had one on December 5th, and another one on December 26th. I had neither. My next infusion should be scheduled for January 16th, but since my insurance company is still stalling with the authorization (they come up with a different excuse every day), who knows if that one will happen? So I've missed 2 infusions (working on 3), and because of that my white count is through the roof. That, my friends, is not a good thing. What it means is that my body is trying to compensate by pooling T cells, and in doing so it's working too hard to try and protect itself from infection that in the end it won't be able to fight. The reality is that if I don't have an infusion soon, its going to get pretty bad for me.

I'm really weak, I'm really tired, I've been running a low grade fever since last night. To sum it up, I just don't feel right.

But no worries, I'll be alright cause I'm a fighter, dammit, and if it gets bad, well, I'll just keep fighting, it's what I do.

Note: I recieved an e-mail from someone named Lori (thank you for the thoughtful, and caring e-mail, Lori), who bounced in here from Jeff's blog, and she suggested that I post this link for anyone who would like a better understanding of exactly what it is I have. I think I've posted this link once before, but I'll post it again for those interested.

Angie - Hmmmm

I found this on MSN just a few seconds ago and it makes me wonder. . . .

Are you just starting out on the career path? Or have you come to a crossroads and feel you need a career change? Many of us have no idea what the right path for us is, and thus tend to blindly follow the advice of parents, teachers, and school counselors when choosing a life path.

Yet too many of us have been steered in the wrong direction, which inevitably results in a lack of satisfaction with what we thought would be our life’s work – and for many, this can touch us on so deep a level it not only affects our personal happiness, but our health as well.

Therefore, it is VITAL that we know what type of profession we are best suited for.

One way to be fairly certain of this is to understand your Sun Sign, and the career fields associated with that sign. One of the first steps you can take is to know what astrologers have known for hundreds of years that the signs and planets play a major role in the type of career each individual would like and thus perform the best. And in recent decades scientific studies have strongly indicated that astrology does indeed have a powerful effect on one’s career choice.

Your Sun Sign is significant when considering your career path, as it is a powerful influence on your personality characteristics. Once you’re aware of the nature of your Sun sign and its career preferences, moving on to study the other indications in your Natal Chart, such as the houses and the positions of the planets, can add to your knowledge and also to your confidence in your choice. But for now, let’s stick with the Sun sign.

Aries:Any career requiring action. This includes the military, law enforcement, firefighting, paramedics, professional athletes, airline pilots – almost anything that involves wearing a uniform. Also: actors, rock or pop musicians, teachers, salesmen, lawyers – anything that involves being in front of an audience.

This makes sence to me because I've always been interested in Criminal Justice and the Music business.

I dunno

Just cause I love her...

Happy Birthday, bitch!

What are you now, 5? Oops, I meant 25?

But all jokes aside, I hope it's a good one, sweetheart. Have fun and be safe.

Angie's Entry - Music

I got a merry christmas to me present in the mail yesterday.

I went on to BMG, which I'm a member and ordered some CD's I had on my X-mas list. I bought the new Rob Thomas CD just before X-mas and just about two weeks ago I bought the new Nickleback which freakin rocks by the way. I've heard this song on the radio a couple times in the past few weeks and on the CD it's become one of my favorites:

Animals

I, I'm driving black on black
Just got my license back
I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track
I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride
Because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me tonight
I'm driving past your house
while you were sneaking out I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run
Your mom don't know that you were missing
She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been kissing

Screamin'
No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go'
Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Check out the trouble we're in

You're beside me on the seat
Got your hand between my knees
And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze
It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear
But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears
By now, no doubt that we were heading south
I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth'
Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch
It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch
I'm screamin'

No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go'
Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Look at the trouble we're in

We were parked out by the tracks
We're sitting in the back
And we just started getting busy
When she whispered "what was that?"
The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are
And that was when she started screamin' "That's my dad outside the car!"
Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition
Must have wound up on the floor while we were switching our positions
I guess they knew that she was missing
As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing

Screamin'
No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go'
Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Check out the trouble we're in
Get in, just get in

I love that song. Plus I'm just really impressed that Chad Kroger has the whitest teeth in Rock an' Roll.

I could give you a review on every song on the album, but just go buy it if you're a rock fan. It's a great CD.

So my merry christmas present to me was four CD's that I ordered. I had earned enough music points that I got them for free, all I have to pay is the shipping and handling like $12.

So here's what I got:

Nickleback - Silver Side Up
Alicia Keys - The Diary of Alicia Keys
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten
Anna Nalick - Wreck of The Day

On the way into work this morning I listened to Ms. Keys and my new favorite song by her - Diary. I like the old soul/blues/R & B feel of this song. I also love her voice on this song.

I still have a few more CD's that I want to buy cause I need new music to listen to every few weeks but this should passify me for a while, let's hope!

Just a bunch of boring medical blah.

Good mood. Bad mood. Good mood. Bad mood. Which is it today? Well, it certainly ain’t good, but then again, it ain’t exactly bad either. I guess I’m stuck somewhere in that strange realm between the two. But all moods aside, I can sum up my physical state in one word: Ugh. That’s it. Ugh.

Anyhow, I had to go do something I’ve been putting off for months (and months) today. And I didn’t want to do it, but to please my mother (and others), I finally just went ahead and did it. What’s that? You ask. Why, I had my annual physical, of course.

And it sucked. I hate being poked, prodded and stuck. It makes me cranky. And to make a miserable situation that much more miserable, when my company switched insurance companies, my mother convinced me to switch over to the doctor she works for, and I wasn’t all that crazy with his bedside manner. It could definitely use some improvement. We started off really shaky because there is nothing I hate more than someone who talks to me like I’m stupid, and he definitely had that going on in the beginning. It got a little better after he found out that I was his nurses daughter, but I’m still thinking he could be a little less rigid.

Well, the consensus is that I need to put more pressure on my insurance company to stop dicking around with the authorization for my infusion (they still haven’t authorized it, and since the meds alone run somewhere in the range of $6,000, there’s no way I can do it without authorization) because the walking dead thing I’ve got going on lately is just going to keep getting worse until I well and truly crash if I don’t. Other than that, he’s concerned about my tachycardia (rapid heartbeat, which isn’t an everyday thing nor is it a new thing really, it’s actually over half the reason they admitted me into the hospital in July when I went to the ER for chest pain), so he ordered an electrocardiogram, a thyroid panel and a full metabolic panel. So, we’ll see, but personally, I’m thinking it all comes down to stress. I have too much of it, and I need to get rid of some.

And that’s it. I came home a bit after 4pm, slept until 8pm, and now I’m off to watch CSI: Miami.

Have a good night, all.

Lazy, lazy, lazy...

Hmm, I feel (and probably look) like road kill, but strangely, I’m in a wicked good mood tonight. I know, I don’t get it either? It’s probably due to the fact that I have more moods than Sybil. Ah well, I shant complain.

Jason, my step-brother, stopped by to hang out with Christie and I last night, and we had a blast. Since he lives up in north Florida, I rarely get to see him (holidays mainly), and I’ve really missed hanging out with him. Back in our crazy days of youth (I was 17, he was 18) right after he moved here from California, we got really close, but then he up and got married, moved his ass to Georgia and we kind of lost touch with each other. It made me sad because he’s one of the good guys, and it’s extremely cool to have him back.

Well, I’ve discovered that my DSL service has its own special kinks, and it’s quite annoying. It appears to like to go down for a few seconds at a time on a semi-regular basis, and boot my ass offline. Ah well, what am I gonna do? And I need to try and remember to sign out of Yahoo or change my settings – whichever – because now that I have DSL, the bitchin’ thing signs itself on automatically every time I turn on my computer, and if I leave without shutting the damn thing down, it leaves me signed into Yahoo. I felt so bad cause someone was talking to me earlier and I wasn’t even home at the time. Oops.

Anyhow, seeing as I didn’t do a damn thing today, it was a complete and utter waste of a perfectly good day off. And it was stupid of me really, because there are about a million and one things I could’ve (and definitely should’ve) done. But I didn’t. At least Cameron’s PS2 is hooked up now, no thanks to me, of course. Drew is responsible for that one, all I did was manage to fall asleep somewhere in the middle of the hook-up procedure. And apparently I freaked Drew out because he tried to wake me up to see if I wanted some lunch and it took him a few minutes too long to get me up. What can I say? I guess I was tired.

And other than my impromptu nap, I didn’t do anything but take Cameron to my moms so she could see him before her surgery.

I know, I’m so lazy, but I just didn’t feel right today. I do believe I’m coming down with the fucking flu that is running rampant through my house.

And I’m still in a good mood. Baffling.

Welcome to Aimee's Saturday from hell...

Remember when I mentioned how the angelic Sarah gets up entirely too early? Well, this morning she surpassed her previous record for early, and dragged my ass out of bed at 4:30 (that would be a.m.). Getting up that early is hell, but when you add that with the fact that when Christie left for work at 3:20, I was still laying in bed staring at the ceiling, it’s a living nightmare. I think I went up and down the stairs 4 times before I finally said, "fuck it" a little after 8:00 when she came down stairs wearing the nasty diaper that will forever haunt me. Cameron was down here shortly after that, and the craziness that is the two of them together commenced.

Let’s see, between the time I said "fuck it" and when Christie came home (around 2:00), Cameron painted Sarah’s cheeks purple with nail polish from the make-up kit Christie bought her for Christmas while they were playing in his room (I knew it was too quiet in there), he also covered himself in body glitter, broke one of the metal pieces on the edge of my bed, Sarah smeared chocolate and nail polish on my sheets when she was rolling around on my bed, one (or both) of them somehow managed to knock over a full glass of milk that seemed to multiply once it was out of the damn cup, I argued with my mother over my lack of a backbone as well as the fact that I need a new inhaler because Christie lost hers so she stole mine and now I can't use it because she has the fucking flu (that was what really pissed my mom off, and if I'd have known she was going to get so upset about it, I never would've told her about it) and had a nasty yelling match with Drew because I changed the plans for this weekend so my mom could see Cameron before she has her surgery this week.

And to make the day even crazier, just after Christie came home, I had a completely irrational emotional breakdown that started in a fit of laughter and ended with me in a teary sobbing mess. It was obnoxious and embarrassing, but apparently I needed to cry.

Anyhow, somewhere around 4:00 pm (after my emotional breakdown), my body decided it wanted to shutdown (apparently, my body has its limits), and I crashed and burned. I think I caught an hour before my dad woke me up because I had to get Cameron ready to go to Drew’s for the night.

Sigh. I’m tired. But you know what really sucks? As tired as I am, I couldn’t go to sleep if you held a gun to my head.

Oh well, such is life.

But on a positive note, I had a rather lengthy and definitely lovely conversation with someone who called to check up on me because apparently I’ve been sending off a negative vibe lately. Thanks for the call and for caring, my friend.
-
I hope you all had a much better Saturday than I. Night.

Oh, it's just Aimee rambling again.

Ah, I’m so tired and my brain hurts rather horrifically, but ironically, I happen to be in a fairly decent mood. Go figure.

Have I mentioned that it’s about to get colder than a bitch in South Florida? No? Well, it is. It’s dropping down into the upper 30's tonight, and tomorrow night we get the lower 30's. Sigh. I love cold weather, I truly do, but the 30's is a bit too cold for my thin skin.

And God, I busted my ass at work today. But as Terry helpfully pointed out, it’s my fault for putting everything off until Friday. And I did. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I did basically nothing. Lazy, lazy, lazy. And you know what? A homeowner actually paid me a compliment. She said I was extremely pleasant and helpful. Ain’t that special? I thought so. Cause truthfully, I’m usually not so pleasant. Matter of fact, my mom called this morning and I barked (quite literally) out my standard greeting, and she said, "Ah, could you at least try to sound nice when you answer the phone?" So I said in the sweetest voice I could muster, "Oh, sorry. Good Morning, Irrigation Systems. Better?" She snorted and said, "Yeah, and I can tell how sincere it was too."

Anyway, I was really looking forward to sleeping-in tomorrow morning because I’ve been feeling a bit on the weak side lately, but sadly, that’s just not going to happen now because Christie has to work 4:00am to 2:00pm so I have to watch Sarah. And she gets up entirely too early. Ah well, I’ll have to try and catch some extra sleep another time. Maybe Sunday.

And God, my step-father is driving me crazy with the IM’s today. He was IM’ing me when I was at work, and then earlier this evening, and now he’s at it again. I know why he’s doing it (it’s cause he’s moved up to Okeechobee already and my mom is still living in Boca, so he’s lonely), but it still drives me crazy because it’s always the same conversation and the same set of questions. I do believe I have all the answers memorized already so all I have to do is type them out when prompted. LOL. Seriously though, he’s alright and I am sorry that he’s been feeling lonely. I’ve been there and it sucks.

Because I'm basically old at heart, I love their music and this is my favorite song from them (which happens to be playing at the moment), I'm going to share.

Sweet Dreams ~ Air Supply

This is the time when you need a friend
You just need someone near
I'm not looking forward to the night I'll spend
Thinking of you when you're not here

How many times will I think about the things
I'd like to do
Always denied the right to live my life
The way I want
I want to share it with you

Close your eyes I want to ride the skies
In my sweet dreams
Close your eyes I want to see you tonight
In my sweet dreams

I think of your kiss as the days roll by
And I'll write the words you love
And what I can't say in a letter
Will just have to wait till I get home

There's not much time to tell you
Half the things that I should
Only that I'm so glad I fell in love with you
And I'd do it again, if I could

Close your eyes I want to ride the skies
In my sweet dreams
Close your eyes I want to see you tonight
In my sweet dreams

Sleep like a child resting deep
You don't know what you give me I keep
For these moments alone

Close your eyes I want to ride the skies
In my sweet dreams
Close your eyes I want to see you tonight
In my sweet dreams

Close your eyes I want to ride the skies
In my sweet dreams
Close your eyes I want to see you tonight
In my sweet dreams

Oh well, that’s it, I’m done, stick a fork in me.

I hope you all had a pleasant Friday.

Better late than never.

Drew finally gave me the pictures he took with his camera on Christmas morning. So, here's a few.

Pointless rambling brought to you by Aimee.

Mmm, I’m really liking my UPS guy cause he delivered the most delectable package today! Seriously. It was packed full of yummy stuff! Thank you, Ang. You rock! And those chocolate buried cherry things are just so delicious. YUM. My dad is a bit bummed though because there wasn’t any of that sweet cereal mix you sent last year. LOL. Oh, and your version of the "samoas" are killer. Is there coconut in them? Thanks again, it was all so delicious.

Well, I finally hooked up my DSL tonight. The wireless router and all that other complicated looking stuff has been sitting in a box under my desk since December 14th, but I was waiting to hook it up because I ordered Bell South’s networking system so Christie and I could use it together, and somehow during the move she lost the power cord to her hard drive, but she finally got one (thank heavens because I was getting tired of having to tussle with her every time I wanted to use my computer) so we hooked it up tonight. Ah, no more dial-up, fantastic. And miracle of miracles, my phone actually rings now. LOL. Between Christie and myself, no calls ever made it through. My mom used to bitch about that all the time until I got my cell reconnected and now she doesn’t even bother calling the house.

You know, I think my warehouse guy would like to take a bite out of me. And it’s all on account of this lotion and shimmering body spray my mom bought me for Christmas. It’s called Winter Candy Apple from Bath & Body Works (and it does smell yummy), and I do believe he’s become enamored with it. I’ve worn it two days in a row, and every time he comes into my office, he starts to sniffing. He told me yesterday that the stuff I’m wearing is dangerous. And I swear, if he wasn’t such a nice guy, the whole thing would creep me out.

And I do believe I upset my poor abused mother this afternoon. I didn’t mean to, I was just kidding. But she had me walking around here like some crazed hypochondriac with Lysol Disinfectant Spray in one hand and Dial Antibacterial Soap in the other so I jokingly said, "Look, if I catch this thing and my body just can’t take it, all I ask is that the members of this three ring circus I call my family take care of my monster." Apparently she didn’t think it was funny. But she should know that I’ll do what I have to do to fight this thing if I get it because I’m not quite ready to meet my maker just yet, I still have tons left to do.

Oh well, that’s it really. It’s still pretty much blah around here.

Night.

Angie's Entry

Well the countdown is officially on. 22 days left or actually 16 working days left here at my job.

PC and I jumped ship yesterday for lunch, it was time to have a bitch session. Our interim controller is driving both of us totally crazy. As PC said yesterday, he's over stayed his welcome and it's time for him to go.

If there's one thing in this world I hate more than anything it's being treated like I'ma fuckin idiot. I got a half dozen emails from my boss in the past week reminding me to do things that I've been doing on a monthly basis for over four years now. I think I know my fuckin job and I know what I need to show Julie, my replacement, how to do thankyouverymuch.

And boy is she going to be overwhelmed.

That and she knows absolutely nothing about payroll. I got lucky, my boss was a super teacher and did everything she could to help me, train me and give me the tools I needed to succeed. Julie has none of that. I told her to sign up for three training classes as soon as possible, how many do you think she'll actually get to take? Zero. Unless she maintains her pushiness and tells Tim when she's taking classes instead of asking him. But we'll see. She has to have to motivation to learn and since she's the only person in the world to have a baby and be married, I know she won't learn anything more than what I teach her. Oh, didn't you know that the world revolves around my former friend Julie? Well, now you know. It does.

I won't even get started on our HR guy and what a complete moron he is. I really really wonder how the fuck he still has his job. I sadly shake my head for him, he really doesn't know what an ineffective, spineless, passive ass-kisser he is and how many people in this company have less than zero tolerance and respect for him.

I've gotten nothing but kind words and what I hope are sincere well wishes. Our former VP of sales was one of the first people to come over to me and wish me well, tell me they (the co.) are losing a great employee and if there's ever anything he can help with don't hesistate to contact him.

In other world news today, my part time job is switching to a new software system at the end of this week. I haven't been able to sit in on any training, which means that Jason gets to train me.

Lately it seems like there's something weird going on between us. Like, after Thanksgiving he's been touchy with me. Meaning, I went into work on a Monday cause he begged me, I no sooner got my jacket off and he came up behind me and squeezed me, thanking me for coming in.

Then yesterday he was going in a couple different directions with this conversion and he came back to my desk after I had asked him a question to which he didn't answer, so I made my own decision about what had to be done first. Well, I turned my head to the side to talk to him and he leaned in and rested his forehead almost on mine and said, I dunno, you know what to do, I'm still lost and confused from yesterday.

I dunno it's weird. He's weird sometimes like that to me. And normally I'd brush it off as Jason just being weird but it's been happening more and more often.

Not that anything would ever happen, he's married, his wife works in our office with us and I'm friends with her. So don't think I have that problem. Jason is like a big brother to me. Always harassing me, giving me a hard time about shit but then giving me advise on my car and house and shit.

Like I said, it's just Jason being weird.

One the brighter side, I looked at my paycheck and noticed an extra week of vacation on it. I forgot that when I hit my five years that bumped me up to another week of vacation. So I'm getting paid well into March. Good news for me!! And I know that cause I planned out my own payment schedule and will forward it to my boss for his approval.

Other than that, nothing else is new.

I'm stuck. I don't think I want to do payroll anymore, but I don't know what I want to do. So that makes the job hunting a little difficult.

Anyways, have a good day!

Sickness be damned.

There is sickness currently seeping through my house in the form of a rather nasty flu (a flu that landed Sarah’s nana (not my mom) in the hospital) that Sarah has managed to contract, and I’m not happy about it. I had to take care of her tonight because Christie was working the late shift at Walgreens, and it broke my heart because she was so miserable. And I really wasn’t liking the way her fever was spiking way too high, way too fast. Christie is taking off work tomorrow to take her to the doctor and I’m hoping they give her something that’ll make her feel a bit better.

In the mean time, I have to try like hell to avoid catching what she’s caught because I’ve been irresponsibly lax when it comes to my health lately (I haven’t had my infusion in 44 days and seeing as I’m supposed to have one every 21 days, I’m a bit behind), and I’m thinking that getting sick right now would be a bad idea. Well, hopefully I won’t have to find out.

And you know, I love Metro PCS. I love my cell phone, it's cute. I love the free long distance. I love the unlimited texting feature. I love the unlimited minutes. But I decided today that I do NOT love the way they notify me that my bill is due. Cause when you're trying to have a serious conversation where it's important that you get your point across with an employee and your cell phone starts making all kinds of obscene noises to alert you that your bill is due (in two fucking weeks) in the middle of this important conversation it kind of messes up the *serious* flow you had going. Not to mention it's just annoying. Speaking of phones, Ang, I sent you a picture of my other baby (Bugsy) chilling under the Christmas tree so that email with all the numbers ending with @mymetropcs.com is me. And ain't he cute? You have to send me some current pictures of your baby (and you, dammit), it's been far too long.

Aside from that, there isn’t anything remotely interesting going on in my life at the moment. Zip, Zilch, Zero.

Oh, before I forget – I’m looking into those ear plugs, Ang. Seriously. LOL. Thanks for that, sweetheart.

Aimee

You wanna know something that never ceases to piss me off?

When someone takes something from my life and tries to twist it around in a weak attempt to justify their own stupidity by trying to make me look like the one who doesn't have any fucking sense.

Well, you know what I have to say to that?

I may be crazy for wanting someone I don’t have a chance in hell of being with, but at least I’m not stupid enough to allow someone to use me as their own living, breathing masturbatory tool.

And personally, I’d rather be crazy than stupid. But that’s just me.

That was probably a bit harsh, but someone needs to learn that they can’t shield their ignorance by trying to shine the light on somebody else.

They can make all the excuses they want, but at the end of the day it is what it is, and no amount of excuses or attempts to deflect attention onto someone else is going to change that.

Aimee

I’m in a mood, but then again, I’m always in a mood. This particular mood however, stems from a something that I was having trouble dealing with last week. A problem that the lovely Angie talked me through, and while the consensus was that I’d just have to deal with it, I felt inherently better about the ridiculous (or not) way I was feeling because she understood. You want to know what I was having trouble dealing with, huh? Well, not on your life. A woman’s gotta have some secrets, you know. Anyhow, this problem I’m choosing not to share has put me in a mood, but because I have no choice other than to deal, I’m gonna fucking deal, dammit. And that’s that. I think.

Well, I was off today, but I swear it didn’t feel like it. I had entirely too much to do and not enough hours to do it in. And to make matters worse (and put me way behind schedule), I took a foolishly frivolous break that I could’ve (and should’ve) used to do the numerous things I needed to do and watched Cinderella. I know it’s childish, but I adore that movie. But even with my irresponsible break, I did manage to make some headway in Cameron’s room, and let me tell you, it was a complete disaster. He just had way too much stuff, and I needed to get rid of some of it or he’d eventually get lost underneath the mountains of paraphernalia scattered everywhere. Sadly, I still didn’t get his PS2 hooked up, but that’s probably a good thing as I’m slightly electronically challenged. When I do get to it, it’s a safe bet that I’ll fuck it up somehow.

And I neglected to mention that while I didn’t get to meet Jeff while he was in town for the holidays, he did e-mail me his phone number and after missing each other the first time around, we did finally manage to have a lovely conversation that wasn’t near as awkward as I though it would be. Thanks for listening to me ramble on, my friend, it’s a rare thing that I have someone to talk to, and it meant a lot to me to be able to have a chat with someone who cares. And though I’ve already said it, I am truly happy for you and Nina. I’m hoping you find the happiness that you seek and rightfully deserve, Jeff. I sincerely do.

And that’s all really. Nothing exciting going on around here. Same ole, same ole.


Night.

Aimee

I swear, if I live to be a hundred, I’ll still never learn that my open-minded, free-spirited, live-and-let-live attitude somehow always manages to get my ass in trouble. You see, the problem is that sometimes I forget who it is I’m talking to, and ultimately end up sticking my foot in. Sigh. Maybe one of these days I’ll remember to just politely nod instead of opening my fucking mouth, and save myself some trouble.

Oh well, I’m not going to dwell on it because it’ll only piss me off.

Moving on...

Have I ever mentioned that I love Valentines Day? Love, love, love it. Drew was never real big on Valentines Day, but seeing as the hopeless romantic trapped inside of me refuses to be snuffed out, I’ve always adored that ridiculously frivolous holiday. But with that said, I’m thinking it’s a tad nonsensical, not to mention annoying to have that chubby arrow wielding promoter of eros and plastic candy hearts shoved down my throat a week after Christmas. Couldn’t they have waited a couple weeks? Or maybe I’m just being a stick in the mud.

Anyway, New Years Eve was pretty anticlimactic (well, sorta) for me. I was supposed to spend it hanging out with Drew just watching some TV, but he called me about 6 pm and said we were going out with his roommates instead. And that was a bit of a pisser because I had to scramble to make myself look halfway decent instead of the "who-gives-a-fuck" look I had going on when he called. Apparently I done good cause when I walked in the house his roommate said, "Wow. Pretty." Which was sweet because pretty much every time I see the guy, I look like sludge. After Brandee finished getting ready we headed down to Jesse’s Sports Bar near the beach in Pompano and just hung out (they played darts, I watched) til a bit after 1 am. And seeing as I was the only one out of the four of us that hadn’t consumed any alcohol (I’d stuck to coke all night), I got to play designated driver. Which was cool, but God, Brandee has one big ass truck. Anyhow, since Cameron was still in High Springs with Drew’s parents, I just spent the night over there, but let me tell you, two adults trying to sleep in an itty bitty daybed together isn’t the best idea if you actually want to sleep.

And that’s basically it. I didn’t do anything today other than clean the house, and since I’m off tomorrow and Cameron has to go back to school, I’m thinking I’ll finish cleaning his room and hook up his PS2.

Night, all.